To start off with, this is a mixed health issue problem but I felt that the depression group would be able to help me the most. I was born with many health problems so I never knew what it is like to be happy but the three that bother me the most are they depression, chronic pain, and suicidal thoughts. As a child I was abused by so called friends and family for ten years. In school I was bullied and harassed but what stuck the most were the names they gave me like loner, outcast, and societies reject. Throughout the school years I made suicide attempts but I always failed. I was so tired of the pain, suffering, abuse, bullies/harassing, feelings, and thoughts. I thought that after I got out of school it would get better but it only got worse. Right now I am in a chronic pain and addiction day program which I have both. Everything was going ok till this last month when everything blew up in my face. I spent 3 days cleaning house and 2 days cooking for Thanks Giving which I did not sleep for those 5 days. The family came over and they loved the food till they found ok that I cooked it and after that they got served and I was forced to sit out in the living room with them. There was not one good word that came out of them and the worst part is that all they talked about is me in front of me. I tried to defend myself but the one time I spoke about the good I am doing they told me to shut the hell up and the said that I am a worthless piece of crap that all I do is takes up space on earth, cause them problems, and I would be better off dead then they all nodded yes except my mom and dad. After they all left I ran away for 5 hours and when I returned all my parents could say is sorry. The next day I caught my uncle in a bad mood so he picked me up by my neck and threw me to the ground and cursed at me. I did to pay much attention because I hurt my leg on the landing, After that was over I came home to get online to write a friend that I knew for 5 years that I considered a second mother because she calls me son and I call her mom plus she has saved my life countless time from talking me out of committing suicide and even talking me into getting help after committing suicide. As I got on I got am instant message asking if I knew her and what happened, I replied yes I know her and what’s wrong, I found out it was her mother trying to find out why she committed suicide. It broke my heart and it will always be broken, I miss her so much, I feel like it is my fault that she died. Then you have my family and everything else that has happened, I have lost everything dear to me so I don’t really have anything to lose. I am still questioning suicide, but on the bright side I could be with her and my family members would be happy that I am out of there lives. I don’t know what to do.