You are in despair. It's hell. I know because I'm just climbing out after similar circumstances. Lost marriage, career, family and friends due to addiction and depression. It sucks but after years of therapy, drama and dysfunction I have just enough hope to trudge on.I had to get clean and sober before I got any relief and I have a long way to go. Change wasnt easy but it was easier than enduring that misery or checking out.There is a real solution. Hang on Brother.

As cliché and trite as it sounds, no matter how sucky life is it can always get better, even if it takes years. Don't give up, please.

God created night and day. NIght is your problem and Day is your happiness. Some happiness could create problem (just like Day turn into night). SOme problem could create happiness (like a married couple, their love will be deeper if they had gone through a lot together and work it up). Your problem will not last forever. You are still a lucky person compare to those who are in hunger just like African or Ethiopian.

one word. Anti-depressants. they solve everything!

You want to end the pain, but not your life. Don't give up your life just because of the pain. It will pass eventually. No, it won't go away completely. I've attempted suicide a number of times. I think about it a lot, sometimes more than others. I wish that I had more to say, but I've been there. Hang on. You've had the strength to make it this far... that shows you do have strength. So take that, and build on it.

I run a site for suicide prevention, check it out www.myspace.com/suicidepreventionwi

It has blog entries from my own experiences with depression/suicide/using pills to cope and knock myself out like you're talking about/cutting... also my poetry and songs

There are also resources on there for help, and videos that are pretty cool, some of my artwork and a slideshow I put together about depression/suicide.

Check it out :)

Kelli

www.myspace.com/suicidepreventionwi

Things eventually get better. I believe in karma, personally. Hopefully you'll soon be rewarded, with something to make it all better. I really think you need to wait it out for a bit more.

I know that you'll probably screan if one more person says hang in there, but there it is. I believe that things happen for a reason, even if we don't understand it. I'm sorry you are in pain, it sucks I know. I'm diagnosed with a cronic pain disorder too. Please don't give up. Things will get better. They have to right? The only other place to go is up. God will call you home when HE wants. It's not up to us. I hope and pray you get the help you need. If you go into an ER, and tell them you are suicidal, they should admit you. Good luck, and God Bless.