Why do I hate visiting my mother so much?
asked by colharmon on 25 September 2007 8:01
She called me last night yelling because I don't vist her enough and the rest of the family don't either. She lives in assisted living and all she does is complain. She hates the food, she hates the way things are run, she hates the way her life turned out. She has always been this way, it's just getting worse. She controls with guilt and it's all about her. I hung up on her last night, because I didn't want to be yelled at. She called back twice about 10:30 at night when we were asleep and hung up on me without saying anything. I know it was her because her name came up on my caller ID.
Answers
Well, obviously you hate visiting her because she hates the condition she's in. Nobody likes to deal with someone who is pissed off about everything.
If I were in your shoes, I will still go visit her once in a while even though the visit will suck. Afterall, she's the one who gave you your life.
You must remember it isn't your mother you hate, it is her behavior and her surroundings certainly don't do much to make her happy. Assisted living is necessary but not usually where people want to be. Try to be as patient as you can when you visit and when she starts yelling, tell her you're sorry but if she continues to act that way you will have to leave and then follow through on what you say. If you know it is her calling you at night and she is only calling to torment you, don't answer the phone. Do as much as you can, but do it with love not out of obligation.
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