1llusionz's Profile
- Sex: Female
- Age: 18
- Location:
90220
Issues 1llusionz is Interested In
- Eczema -
- Depression - It sucks being depressed most of the time. I don't want to hang around my friends. I don't like to do the things I like most. Usually things that make me happy (practicing guitar, watching anime, reading and writing.) don't anymore. I don't have any motivation to do those things. The worst part if that I have no one to talk to, thus why I am here. Everyone I tried to talk just end up making me feel worse, they don't understand, or they just get tired of me being depressed and coming to them with my issues. Depression puts my in a state of limbo. It causes me to want to die and at the same time I am too scared. I want to cry because I am so sad, yet the tears won't come out. So I just lay in my bed for an hour or so trying to cry (crying usually make people feel better, right?), but I never do.
- Suicide - I only actually tried twice (no I know personally knows that I've tried), but I keep having these thoughts and I may try again. Things just seem too hard to handle.
- Low Self Esteem - I've always had it. I don't like myself, Inside and out. I don't feel like I am good at anything. Because of this, I wonder if I am a girl, or is it just the low self-esteem talking?
- Excessive Daytime Sleepiness (EDS) - Ahhh, I can't get things done. I go to sleep early, wait up late in the morning, and later in the day I always go to sleep again for 3+ hours. It gets annoying when most people are living, and I am always sleeping. I hope this is just temporary due to stress or something.
- Dysfunctional Family - Too long to tell. o.o However, the story of my family, would be a fantastic novel.
1llusionz's Story
Wow, I sort of don't know where to start. I live in Southern California. (The bad part that is filled with gangs, drugs, crime, and violence). I actually found about about this site while looking for wallpapers (I always look at anime (I love anime) images when I am feeling depressed) on www.animepaper.net, I saw this ad and joined. So far, so good.
I am a very weird person, many people have told me so. I guess being weird is a good thing. Beats being 'normal'. :P Well, I guess you can say I'm not your normal girl. I have Gender Identity Disorder (Surprisingly, it isn't on the Health Issue list hmm). I haven't been professionally diagnosed but I feel as I do. I am born biologically male, but I feel that I am a woman. I haven't started transitioning. I plan on start counseling to clear up feelings in the beginning of 2008 (I am 18 then, so I wouldn't need my mom to signed anything and whatnot). If my mind isn't playing tricks on me, I will transition soon and hopefully be happier. :)
I am not going to bore you all with my past. It would be too long and besides, some things I rather not talk about. I hope to meet other people.
Cheers!
1llusionz's Blogs
1llusionz has 2 blogs. [view all]
- Abandonment - Wed, December 26, 2007 - [view]
I won't be here for a while, maybe ever. I don't know. Guess, I just lost interest in the site. *shrugs* bye all. - Back from an attempt - Thu, December 06, 2007 - [view]
Sorry I haven't been on lately. People haven't really been talking to me, or maybe it is me who haven't been talk to people. Whatever the case is, doesn't matter. I have been gone this past week. I was in a mental health facility because I tried to commit suicide (OD). They kept me in there for 6 nights, 7 days. I pretended like everything is ok and I was happy, just ...