Ctrl_Z's Profile
- Sex: Male
- Age: 16
- Location:
37912
Issues Ctrl_Z is Interested In
- Acne - Acne has been a nuisance for a while now. It's not extremely bad, but I hate it. T-T
- Antisocial Personality Disorder - NOT CLINICALLY PROVEN;
- Anger Management Problem - NOT CLINICALLY PROVEN; I sometimes get angry to the point where I can't be rational about anything. I yell, curse. I just want people to see my point, and when they refuse to, I get angry/frustrated. This has gotten much better. I'm now usually a calm person.
- Bipolar Disorder - PENDING CLINICAL PROOF;
- Smoking - I smoke about 1-2 cigarettes, cigars, or cigarellos a month.
- Internet Addiction - NOT CLINICALLY PROVEN; I'm not sure if I'm "addicted," but I am on it frequently.
- High Blood Pressure - CLINICALLY PROVEN;
- Oppositional Defiance Disorder - CLINICALLY "PROVEN," BUT I DISAGREE.; Just shows how defiant I am.
- Break Up and Divorce - It deals with my ex-girlfriend, Cassy.
- Jealousy - I don't know if this is jealousy, but sometimes I feel ignored or neglected when my girlfriend talks to her ex-boyfriends instead of me.
- Obesity - I'm 6' 3" and weigh 330.
- Emotional Abuse - Former step-dad, others.
- Low Self Esteem - Yeah.
- Stress - It sucks. It causes major migraines and a lot of pressure I'm put under also causes it. This relates to my high blood pressure.
- Sex Addiction - I'm addicted to sex, and I feel like it's hurting mine and my girlfriend's relationship. I try to control it, but I'm so in love with her I just want to feel connected with her in every way. Sounds creepy, maybe, but it's true.
- Depression - I have random depression moods sometimes.
- Suicide - I don't feel too suicidal anymore because of Lynnsey being around, but I used to.
- Physical Abuse - Former step-dad abused me, I abused myself, mom has slapped me around many a time, etc.
- Sleep Apnea - EXPIRED CLINICAL PROOF; I've had some sleep studies on this, and it turns out I have "low-efficiency" sleep. Which means my REM sleep isn't efficient.
- Insomnia - NOT CLINICALLY PROVEN; I have trouble sleeping at night due to the thoughts I get when I lay down to go to sleep. I think of things I need to do or can do that are good ideas, and I don't want to sleep.
Ctrl_Z's Story
DISCLAIMER: Please don't lecture me on how well of a life I've had compared to others. I know others have had a horrible life, and I'm not some whiny child coming on to this site to whine and whine up your space with whine. s. Whines? I'm not sure. Anyway, please don't think I'm complaining about my fairly well-off life, just more or less coming in to this website community to talk about my issues that everyone has. Thanks. ~Ctrl_Z.
Well, I'm 15 and male. I've actually had a fairly well life in my opinion. When I was conceived by my father, he didn't realize it, and neither my mother. They soon left each other, because his ex-girlfriend came back looking for marriage. When he found out about my existence, his ex (then later on to be wife) told him to not participate in my life at all, because she hated my mother. When I was two, I moved away from my birthplace to Tennessee. There, my mother found another boyfriend, and soon married him. He was a horrible father-figure. He ended up abusing me physically and emotionally. He was very harsh upon me and ended up being a very angry person a lot. Sometimes I fear him, even today. He and my mother divorced a long time ago, but I still see him every now and then, seeing as how I live with my half-sister who was birthed from my mother and he, and that every father wants to see their child(ren). He had punched me in the chest for being the little questionable child I was, (I had asked 'Why?'. You see, when my parents here this word, they see it as me attacking and questioning their authority, which is not at all what I'm doing. I'm just curious as to why some things are done, or exist.) and caused some domestic violence to arise. Later on in life without a father came along pornography and masturbation. (If this had allowed HTML, I would have provided a link to skip the following for those who are sexually-sensitive.) I had started puberty around, oh, say 8? And by age 9, I got all curious and shit, and ended up looking at porn. I was caught looking at it numerous times, embarrassingly. Eventually, this habit came to the point where I've been addicted to the feeling of sex and masturbation because I feel masturbation is: • A good stress reliever • Fun. • Feels pretty good. As you may have noticed, I'm quite blunt. If you don't like what you've read so far, sorry, but I have a right to my opinions, as well as you have one to yours. Please respect mine, and be an open-listener (reader in this case) and we'll be on our way. I enjoy sex because: • Spiritual connection (I mostly refuse sex to others that I am not in love with, regardless of dating status. Sometimes an exception is offered if I know no feeling of love is shared. I hate hurting people's feelings sometimes. Other times I could give a shit less, but I won't ever use anyone to my advantage.) • It feels good. • I make the partner feel good. • It's fun. • It's stress relieving. I know the risks of sex, and I'm willing to accept the consequences. I'd love to have a baby. Although I doubt I'll ever get AIDS. You'll read why later on. I started having sexual intercourse when I was 14, but we'll get into that later. School for me was boring as hell throughout this entire time. I hated it. So much. All it ever was for me was a failed social life I kept failing at, and couldn't stop, and hopeless "learning." I was "gifted," by educational standards. Oh, another thing is my right-brain dominance. I learn things better hand-on, I think is what right-brain dominance means. Anywho, school has always been a failure for me up until the middle-end of middle-school. Then it failed again. Now it's doing much better with newly found motivation. This motivation is my current girlfriend. In this entire thing I've been wanting to mention her, but I think here is an appropriate place. My girlfriend is the most wonderful woman I've ever met. She's smart, funny, cute, beautiful, mature, honest, and even if she does have her problems, she can help with mine. She's just fabulous. <333 This woman is the reason I will probably never get AIDS, my newly found motivation for school, and everything. I just love her so much. But, continuing, throughout middle school everything was a blur. I tried to kill myself, I cut myself, I was depressed, I didn't have any particular social status, I was confused, and just curious about everything. In highschool, I met this girl named Cassy. We kinda got off to a good start, and we had common interests, and then we had sex. She was the person I lost my virginity to. :\ It's unfortunate, because we broke up twice before we broke up for good, and everything. It was just weird. I wished I saved my virginity-status for Lynnsey(girlfriend). :\ I feel kinda bad about that. But, I need to fill this stuff in later because it's getting late. Bye.