F*A*T*E's Profile
- Sex: Male
- Age: 22
- Location:
32246
Issues F*A*T*E is Interested In
- Depression - I get easly depressed thinking about things that go on around me. Things i used to do, being around people and having fun but because of dumb things i did it screwed up that entirely.
- Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) - This currently rules my life. Where i was raised was a really harsh place to be. I adapted to it back then but after leaving it and being somewhere different it makes me feel uneasy. Not until a few years ago did i start getting seriously paranoid about almost everything. For instance today i had to go to college and was worried if i left home some random person would break in our house and hurt my dog and take our things so i rushed home as fast as possible. I hate having to be like this but for personal reasons its kept me safe from real dangers that i have faced. That and the fact where i live isnt that great, its not bad but its still best to be cautious. My paranoia is my strength aswell as my weakness so its hard to get rid of it. What i need is a control on the excessive paranoia then i think things would get better.
F*A*T*E's Story
Im not very fond of telling details of myself all over the web but ill give the less detailed version. I grew up in Queens, NY and lived there till I was 15. During that time I was involved with "shady" characters and did alot of stuff I shouldnt have but did anyway. Things were getting more and more serious and it was starting to worry me. Out of luck my mom was deciding to move to florida which made it easier to leave the garbage i was involved in. So i came to FL and thats when things got harder. I started to be paranoid about who i talked to and who talked to me, i became anti-social. The depression kicked in later on because i had no friends and nobody to talk to the only source of friendship was a online video game i played and the occasional work friends. Year by year my paranoia got worse off and i became increasingly wary of everyone. Ive always trained myself in martial arts and other fighting techniques but it became more of a way to learn how to prepare for someone trying to kill me then just regular defense. Even in my dreams im fighting someone constanly killing at times those that try to hurt me. I dream this way because at times i feel if someone trys to hurt me or my family if they live they wont give up and continue to hurt us. I dont have any fears in life except one: im afraid of myself, what i will do for the sake of protecting. Theres nothing that anyone can do to change this fact, i will do what needs to be done in order to protect me and those i care about any person in their right mind would feel the same. But besides that i havent had any reason to do any of the things i feel. But because of this paranoia i get easly depressed because theres nobody around me people seem to like me and how i am(im a crazy funny guy always joking around making others laugh as much as i can lol) and they warm up to me. But because of my damn paranoia i cant keep people around me for long. It gets to me if a person knows too much about my life. You cant imagine how it is to try and talk to a girl i like! Its 10x worse because a girl/boyfriend is usually the second closest person in your life so they get to know you best. That bugs me to a point where its too much for me to handle and i try and find a way to make the relationship fail, sad huh? Well i dont know what else to say really i feel like i said more than enough hehe.
F*A*T*E's Blogs
F*A*T*E has 1 blogs. [view all]
- dont get confused by the picture - Tue, December 11, 2007 - [view]
Like it says im paranoid so i tend to judge things to quickly or think the worse of what people are seeing in me. Just because im looking like im acting all cool and what not in the picture doesnt mean im here for the wrong reasons. Im not very fond of taking pictures of myself and this is the only picture of what i look like now that i have. I dont wanna have to use a depressing picture just t...