HolyDragonsEye's Profile
- Sex: Female
- Age: 16
- Location:
Kitchener, Canada, 34910
Recent Questions HolyDragonsEye is Interested In
Issues HolyDragonsEye is Interested In
- Self-Injury - I started injuring myself about a year and a half ago. I stopped a few months ago when my parents found out (they still don't know that I did it; I blamed it on my friend) but I went back to doing it again. I can't seem to stop. It helps.
- Shyness - I'm not horribly shy. At school, I can handle presentations pretty well. But I AM shy. I can improvise and turn conversations around to be of advantage for me. But I'm still so shy. I can't say what I want to say when I'm front of people whose presense I highly respect. I don't speak unless asked to. I'm like a shadow, and my friends agree.
- Low Self Esteem - This is half and half. I feel like I have two personalities. One that everyone sees, where I'm a leader and I'm confident and know what I'm doing. The other one that no one knows about, where I can't even look in the mirror at times. My friends tell me that they're envious of my looks or of my intelligence, but I never seem to think so. I always turn away and close my eyes in shame whenever no one is looking.
- Pessimism - I never seem to look at the "bright side" of anything. It just never occurs to me. I always come across the worse that can happen in any situation. Some of my friends hate that aspect about me, since I always end up talking about morbid things.
- Suicide - Suicide is my backup plan for everything. Well, pretty much. I decided around a year ago (when I was 14) that I would leave this world on my birthday when I turn 24. I don't why I chose that date specifically, it just seems to fit. I havn't changed my mind about it yet.
- Depression - I haven't been diagnosed with this. I haven't even told anyone about it. I don't know when it started, but whever I try to think back and remeber a time when I WASN'T depressed, I come to my childhod days, when I was around the age of six or seven. It eats me up from the inside out, and for some reason, I feel like keeping it that way. I guess it's just become a part of me that I don't want to leave behind.
- Insomnia - Sleeplessness for me comes and goes. Sometimes, for two months straight, I find myself unable to fall asleep, then for a few weeks I'm fine. I don't know what causes it, but whenever I can't fall asleep, I get cranky and grumpy and take it out on my friends. I hate myself for it.
HolyDragonsEye's Story
I'm 15 years old, turning 16 in a few weeks' time. I believe in astrology and so I think I should let you know that I'm a Scorpio.
I live in Canada and I love it here. But I hate the way the world is progressing, and so I plan to commit suicide in the year of 2016. ( I don't know why that year in particular).
I love anime and listen only to Japanese music. It's basically what I live for. I wake up in the morning and think to myself "why?" then my mind answers "....for the music..."
I have two personalities. My friends and family don't know anything about it, or about me. I've concealed myself from everyone, so they only know the part of me that I let them see.
I have very different views from everyone that I know and so I tend to freak them out sometimes without my knowing it. No one knows about my plan for suicide or my depression or any of that. I don't like to show my "weaknesses". I mask it. To them I'm just some hyperactive idiot, who's unusually smart for an idiot.
I want company. But I don't want it. My mind's a mess, I blame myeslf for it, just like I blame myself for anything my parents/friends do.
I'm afraid of people judging me. Yet they always do.
To me, the world is full of liars. I'm suspicious of everyone, even me. I try to find their motives for everything and anything that they do, including myself. I guess I could be become a good detective one day....I dunno...
I just want to die.
HolyDragonsEye's Blogs
Why don't you encourage HolyDragonsEye to write a blog?