ShATterEdGlaSs22's Profile
- Sex: Female
- Age: 23
- Location:
paterson, NJ 07505
Issues ShATterEdGlaSs22 is Interested In
- Anger Management Problem - Any little thing will send me into a screaming fit and if I get angry enough I may lash out.
- Bipolar Disorder - I will have days where someone will say something that i disagree with or that i just dont like and Ill atack them sometimes verbally or physically I have no control over my thoughts my mind is constantly raceing and I can rarely piece together a single thought without serious concentration, I can be screaming one minute and them perfectly calm the next as if nothing happen I dont even remember half the time why I was mad or upset...I can sleep for days when Im in a low and nothing can bring me out...
- Self-Injury - Ive been a cutter since i was about 12 and it just doesnt stop Ill stop for a week or two and then something will snap and I just need to make the Inside pain go out and if i bleed it relieves the pain....
- Depression - I will have days where I will lock myself and in my house I rarely go out unless i have to Ill cry for hours just because i cant take the pain... Ill be up till 7am and then sleep till 3pm im all mixed up...
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) - My mother died while being rushed to the hospital when i was 6 and i was taken away from my stepfather to be placed with my biological father who hung himself when i was 9...the kicker...he blamed it on my and so my half brother hasnt spoken to me since..he thinks i killed his father....if you ask me he was a drunk sadistic fuck and since he didnt want me from the day i was born why the hell should i care if he thought it was worth killing himself over...
- Suicide - Ive tried to kill myself more times then i can remember but so far im still here...figure that one out?
- Insomnia - If I sleep its when Im depressed for days and I never sleep at night I maybe fall asleep around 6am and sleep till 7 if im lucky....
ShATterEdGlaSs22's Story
So I guess we'll start with me being an orphaned fosterhome runaway at 16...a homeless and pregnant at 19 after a 2 year relationship....ummmmm im a bipolar manic-depressive, ptsd, anger management issues, RAD, self destructive, suicidal, cutter, who lives in a grappy hole of NJ where i have no friends at all and an x bf that likes to tell me im stupid n crazy because i cant control my moods..... my son is already displaying anger problems and he's 2 1/2 so im in for a rough time ahead...just when i think it cant get any worse it does!!!
ShATterEdGlaSs22's Blogs
ShATterEdGlaSs22 has 4 blogs. [view all]
- still cant sleep... - Wed, March 19, 2008 - [view]
sleep evades me and my mind seems to hasten... I am aware that all the world is sleeping...everyone but me....my mind is flowing thoughts raceing...this thing or that over and over again... not one thought but hundreds all at once... i cannot focus...i cannot slow the maddness that lives inside my head.... a highway flowing and turning...forever it remains my life.... calm...i dont remember... ... - Life... - Wed, February 27, 2008 - [view]
Im drownin in my own skin nothing can change me I am who I am, there is nothing here for me and yet I cant let go!!!! All of you who fucking think you know me ...well you dont Im probably the most fucked up person youll ever meet...Ive got more problems then anyone should be allowed to have I cut myself to stop the pain and yet It always comes back again...I scream and cry because they say it h... - Is That too much to ask... - Wed, February 27, 2008 - [view]
I am Lost I cry and cry till I cant breathe and nothing seems ok I cry till my eyes can no longer weep I am dead inside there is nothing there...Why Is there no end to this emotional darkness Why does this seem to be my life...I cannot open my eyes for I cannot stand to see the light...I am Dieing why doesnt anyone see me? When will this terror let me be, I cannot breathe without fear and shame... - A Song... - Sun, February 24, 2008 - [view]
so today I broke...I am shattered and I cannot put myself back together I fell asleep at 7am and slept till 8 or so I sat in my shower with my blades just cutting my arms and my thighs...usually thats enough but today I just watched the blood and nothing I didnt feel a thing....no relief no change and that was just the beginning so I went on and on till I finally realized that the water was run...