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TLW31's Story

I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING ONE MINUTE I FEEL LIKE IM SPEEDING THE NEXT MINUTE I GOT HANDS OVER MY FACE CRYING MY BRAINS OUT I HAVE BIPOLAR I DONT HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE SO I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO DEAL WITH IT ALONE AT LEAST THATS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE ANYWAY I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN MY OLDEST IS BY MY HUSBAND HES 12 MY HUSBAND DIDNT GET THE MOOD SWINGS HE JUST CALLED ME A CRAZY BITCH I HAVE A 10 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER HER FATHER IS DEAD NOW BUT WE BROKE UP WHEN SHE WAS A BABY BECAUSE HE COULDNT DEAL WITH THE MOOD SWINGS NIETHER THEN I HAVE A 6 YEAR OLD AND A 2 YEAR OLD WHICH AMAZINGLY HAVE THE SAME FATHER BUT HE CANT LIVE WITH ME (JUST BECAUSE) HE SAYS THIS SUCKS I FEEL LIKE I JUST CHASE PEOPLE AWAY EVEN THOUGH IM NOT TRYING TO INFACT I TRY VERY HARD TO KEEP PEOPLE IN MY LIFE EVERY TIME I HAVE AN EPISODE I APPOLIGISE MY ASS OFF BUT I GUESS ITS NOT ENOUGH NOW IM A SINGLE MOTHER TRYING TO DO THIS SHIT BY MY SELF AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO MY KIDS ARE DRIVING ME OUT OF MY MIND I YELL AT THEM I SAY THING THAT I REALLY DONT MEEN TO THEM AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR THEM WHEN I DO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT MY CONDITION AND THEY ASK ME HOW ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR KIDS I LIE TO THEM BECAUSE IM SCARED SOMEBODY IS GOING TO TRY TO TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME ITS HARD FOR ME TO GATHER MY SELF TO GO OUTSIDE I FEEL ASHAMED OF MY SELF I HAVE ANXIETY ATTACKS IF I SO MUCH AS THINK SOMEONE IS LOOKING AT ME I LOCK MYSELF IN MY HOUSE I DONT MEET PEOPLE BECAUSE ILL JUST CHASE THEM AWAY WITH MY CRAZINESS I WANT SOMEONE TO TALK TO BUT IM JUST TO SCARED TO