bigheartgurl's Profile
- Sex: Female
- Age: 24
- Location:
48342
Issues bigheartgurl is Interested In
- Abortion - I stand behind my decision, however it has hurt me more than anything I can think of. That moment temporarily shattered my life. I was confined to my bed,I began to binge eat, sleep all day, cry uncontrollably, became suicidal and became very distant..... It's been about 4 years and I am just now "ok" with it. In those years I have sought counseling b/c but stopped partly b/c I thought I deserved to suffer...I am currently on an online support group and it has helped me alot.
- Acne - I dealt with acne alot as a child and a teenager....now as an adult I don't anymore, however I have the scars still leftover and I have to wear makeup to cover them. It really bothers me b/c it makes me feel unattractive. Using all these different creams take a long time to see any improvement especially as a person of color.
- Depression - I've been battling depression since about 11-12 years old. I had alot of self esteem and insecurity issues. I had perfectionist issues, I felt like people in my family were too judgemental on me. I can be very withdrawn, I don't trust alot of people, except my mom. I also believe depression runs in my family...I don't have a strong support system, except for my mom and my one friend. But no one really understands who you are b/c they are not you. Depression can affect your health, relationships with people, job, so many things. At times I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to hang out like I used to, or want to date. Working would be a nightmare and I used (still do) eat to help make things a little better. I've never been on medication, I just work through it the best I can...
- Stress - The job I have can be stressful, on top of the fact that I am a very worrisome person. B/c I have some trust issues, I feel like I should do everything by myself and not get any help. So that puts more stress on me. I think people depend on me too much, b/c I am reliable and dependable. Stress causes headaches and chest pains sometimes. Bills and my credit stress me out b/c I try so hard to pay things on time in full, but it seems like something goes wrong and I have to pay for it. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I don't have any type of savings or safety net. This scares me b/c if something horrible were to happen, I'd have nothing. I'm tired of living with my relatives, I want to live by myself so bad. I become depressed as soon as I get home b/c I'm tired of coming in the same place where I have to live b/c I can't afford to move out right now. I just graduated college and I really want to move forward with my life. I am really tired of feeling this way.
- Bacterial Vaginosis - It sucks being a woman...that's all I have to say
- Carpal Tunnel Syndrome - It's in both my wrists, moreso in my left. It comes and goes...At times it can become so painful I can't sleep at night and the wrist brace doesn't even help. Recently I haven't dealt with any symptoms so I am happy about that!
bigheartgurl's Story
Hey,
I'ma 23 year old recent college graduate. I'm a bit of a loner, but I like spending time with my mom and sister, my best friend and sometimes my "boyfriend." I love Law and Order: SVU, What not to Wear, How do I look? I love fashion. I'm generally a nice, modest and silly person. People say I am a good friend and say I have a big heart....
I see life as something you create...I do become optimistic about life, but sometimes it can get me down...honestly I think I am more depressed than I am happy. B/c of this I want to work in a career where I want to help people. I know what it's like to feel down and not have anyone to talk to.
I like to read and write. I make up alot of characters in my head...I guess aliases to kind of run away from being myself...I know that sounds nuts but it helps. I have written alot of stories but never finish them.
bigheartgurl's Blogs
bigheartgurl has 4 blogs. [view all]
- white castlle - Sun, October 21, 2007 - [view]
I thought getting a new hairstyle would cheer me up, since I've been feeling a little down. I go through these periods where I am very close to being very depressed. I try to fight off tears and such, but it can be hard, so then I run and eat. Like it's 1:21am and I really want some white castle...really bad for me, but I have an immense taste for it. I just hate being sad, and I feel l... - Bad mood - Wed, October 10, 2007 - [view]
I had my annual pap exam today...I must say it was frightening b/c ever since the abortion, I hate going to doctors, especially gynocologists. While being in stirrups it just felt like I was gonna cry, but I think I did good today. I was in mostly a bad mood today...I think mostly due to a bad nights sleep...I've been having a hard time sleeping and eating lately. I dont want to go to sleep... - Can you believe? - Tue, October 02, 2007 - [view]
Robin Thicke's "Can you believe" is a song that makes me feel better. I listen to it on the way to work and when I get ready for bed, so if anyone is curious...listen to it. Here is a little bit of it: Can you believe when all hope seems goneWhen your mother and father cant keep you safe from harmCan you forgive in your heartCan you ask for forgivenessWhen nobody else believes can... - Money, money, money - Mon, October 01, 2007 - [view]
I am so tired of being broke. I am glad that I got a raise and make a little more money...but I still can't move out. And it's not like I have a shit load of bills. I just have high balances. I want to pay off my credit card bill off entirely and it pisses me off b/c I used those credit cards to help pay for school & car related things...well I graduated college...and they always te...