bipolar_polarbear88's Profile
- Sex: Female
- Age: 20
- Location:
90007
Issues bipolar_polarbear88 is Interested In
- Fibromyalgia - Mommy's disease.
- High Blood Pressure - Mommy's and Daddy's disease.
- High Cholesterol - Daddy's disease.
- Bipolar Disorder - This is a huge problem for me. I do not have good relationships with people because of this, whether it is for family or friends. I get very disappointed when I am left alone because no one wants me around. I can see that they are scared for me or scared of me. I do not interact well with new people. I am not the social butterfly. I do not like the perverse moments, especially if I am with a group of friends who are talkative. I feel very lost and alone; or sometimes I feel like I cannot control my thoughts or behavior. I spend all my money because charity feels amazing at times, or I buy things I do not need. I have suicidal thoughts. I don't have suicidal thoughts. I feel life is amazing at times and I should live it to the fullest.
- Smoking - I started at 16. I have been going on and off. Right now it's my on.
- Headaches/Migraines - I tend to get them when I am really stressed. Sometimes out of nowhere. It feels like someone is stabbing my head from the sides.
- Suicide - I was 16. I ended in a hospital. I still have suicidal thoughts to this day.
- Self-Injury - I cut when I am very sad. I think that by cutting my hair cancels it out, in a way. Sometimes I think I have a fascination over sharp objects and blood.
- Panic Attacks - When I go out to public places that are huge I tend to get nervous. Then I start thinking that I do not belong "here", with people. I start thinking that I am not human anymore, and that scares me. I start to cry and then I have short breathes.
- Insomnia - I am a college student and I need that sleep. I can't function well acedemically and I feel that nothing is real. During the day, when people are talking it is like I have cotton in my ears, they sound like echoes and that they are a big blur. My eyes still go through REM, and it seems like I am dreaming during the day. Nights frustrates me because I want to sleep but I can't.
- Financial Problem - I was never the rich kid. It took my parents a long time for my parents to get a decent roof over our heads in California.
- Lactose Intolerance - I never liked milk. I gave my mother a hard time finding good baby food. I love soy milk and I take it easy with cheese.
- Back Pain - I think it has a lot to do with the fat that is on my chest (breast, I think is the right word =/ )
- Rape - I was 16. A complete stranger. I don't know what he looks like, I was on something.
- Stress - I am always stressed out about school. I love going to school and learning things I just don't understand the way some people go about how to learn things. What stresses me out the most is that I have to work with people, group projects, papers, presentations etc. I really do not like working with people for the simple fact that I feel extremely awkward.
bipolar_polarbear88's Story
Besides what I am here for, I love music. I cannot function the same without it. I listen to a lot, mostly metal and industrial.
bipolar_polarbear88's Blogs
bipolar_polarbear88 has 16 blogs. [view all]
- I might have something else going on - Sat, September 20, 2008 - [view]
The world is leaving me. There are spinning movements and I am not going with it. For them it is normal to go at that speed. I am scared at the fact that there are people going about in that pace. I am in the middle of things and I see the world move on without me. Thinking about doing as I want makes me crazy by their definition. I need to feed my impulses. I cannot control my mind or my physi... - Secret out - Fri, August 01, 2008 - [view]
My parents found out that I smoke. I don't feel guilty about that, I know I will if they start throwing it on my face all time or if I hear them coughing. - Brother - Fri, August 01, 2008 - [view]
I have a brother that is in prison and I always wait too long to write him back. I don't know why. He's very important to me because it means so much that I do write. When I do write to him it makes me feel really guilty that he's been waiting for my response. I think I am oblivious to when I am depressed. There was a time were I would write to him almost everyday, I ... - not so personal anymore - Thu, July 10, 2008 - [view]
- mi familia - Fri, June 13, 2008 - [view]