chewable_garnet's Profile
- Sex: Female
- Age: 16
- Location:
Central, PA 16648
Issues chewable_garnet is Interested In
- Suicide - Suicide touched me at a very young age. I was grateful to have these next door neighbors. They were just like another set of grandparents. Sweet, kind, patient. I shared many wonderful memories with them. Unfortunately when I was around five years old, the wife of the couple was diagnosed with skin cancer in an advanced stage and died shortly after. The husband became very, very, very depressed. It's indescribable the kind of transformation for a young child to observe with an adult like that. When I was about seven years old, I was told he had died. There was an odd emptiness in my heart realizing I wouldn't be able to see him but I knew the feeling of loss already by losing his wife and my great uncle when I was six. It wasn't till four years later I overheard my parents discussing it. It turned out to be a suicide. To learn that, after you supposedly healed already was a big blow. I still cry about it sometimes now and I can't help but think it's because of being very mature my whole life that I remember such detail in emotion of missing these people as it still effects me sometimes today.
- Depression - For the last six years, I have been a depressed person. Beyond what I thought was possible. I had my good and bad days, but I was never happy whatsoever. It took me as a big surprise. I realize and understand everything now but it was a very trying time for me.
- Self-Injury - I first started self-injury at the age of eleven years old. I cut, burned, bruised, hanged, overdosed myself. I would not only slit my wrists, but cut the skin off of my arm with scissors. Slam my head into doors, punch myself, cut open my scalp, and throw myself down stairs. I tried to commit suicide three times. I stopped most of the horrendous habits two years ago. While you probably don't need to know all of those details, I think it's appropriate for people to realize that it's not uncommon but still a terrible thing to do. There are many other ways of coping with depression such as physical activity (no matter what anybody says; unless you are paralyzed, there is a sport that you can do that you WILL be good at) and art like music and visuals. Minor self abuse continued up until this last spring when I realized how this destructive attitude was so dangerous. This past summer was my worst of my depression but also my long awaited period of healing. So, it is possible to be happy as much as people don't think it's possible. Don't give up, you can make it through.
chewable_garnet's Story
I would love to believe I am a success story from this website. I have truly healed from my depression and it is amazing. Sure, stress beats me down and unfortunately my addiction for the urge to cut has not stopped. But I am past doing those things. I am so much more mature and have insight how to get over it.
This website along with Runaway.org, my family, my friends and swimming are what brought me from my insanity.
I hope to return the precious gift that's been given me. Because, honestly, it's the best one I could have ever received.
If there's one thing someone should know, struggling with depression; You. Are. Not. Alone. Please, remember that. And when you do, reach out for help. Someone will always be there. Just look in the right places. It makes the biggest difference in the world.
chewable_garnet's Blogs
chewable_garnet has 8 blogs. [view all]
- Hm. - Wed, October 21, 2009 - [view]
Just an update on my story I guess...It's been a long while since summer. I can't believe how sad and lost I really was looking over my old blogs. It was really the worst my depression had ever been. Well, it's all (let's hope) gone now. For real. It's just...gone away. This past summer was the biggest therapy that actually worked. I just can't believe it. Sure, I g... - i need a hand to hold - Tue, June 02, 2009 - [view]
I've been able to keep my depression under control for awhile. The only time it really bothers me is when I get stressed out. Like, it doesn't have to be that much stress, but right time right place I'll be depressed. When this happens I start sweating at random at all times of the day. And it's a lot. Like my clothes are soaked more or less. Also, I'm about to cr... - oh boy - Fri, May 15, 2009 - [view]
So I'm just a vat of uncertainty anymore.I've had a lot of drama with the few friends I have. I'm not allowed to see one of them and the guy I like from my homeschooling program (three hours away) is going back to school next year. It's becoming more and more evident the restriction and suffocation my parents bear upon me. I keep thinking three more years is all I have left of i... - year update - Sat, February 21, 2009 - [view]
Very long time it seems like (my mom never got the surgery for those who read my previous blogs). I got a lot of mental support from this place and I hope I was able to help some people as well. I'm in the second semester of my fifth year of homeschooling. Freshman of the high school program. It's all too much for me really. My mother holds me on a leash now with my swimming on the... - Tired - Mon, May 12, 2008 - [view]
My family and I went to the DC area so my mom could have an appointment about her knee surgery and it turns out that it won't be as complicated as everyone thought it would be. She is even considering having it done this summer. I feel happy for her that she has a higher chance at getting out of this pain, but I'm also so scared. Is that selfish? As if that hasn't been enough on my mind in the ...