demonic_kitten's Profile
- Sex: Female
- Age: 18
- Location:
36272
Issues demonic_kitten is Interested In
- Pessimism - I don't know why, but I always get these sudden bad thoughts like "What if I wake up and someone's killed my mom?" or "What if someone calls me to tell me my nest friend has died in a car accident?" Just out of nowhere.
- Depression - I get depressed pretty easily, especially at night. Sometimes I cry cause I get to thinking "What am I going to do when my mom dies?" I dread that day and it usually haunts my mind. My mom is my life, and if it weren't for her I wouldn't be here today. She's the true medicine that heals my depression.
- Acne - Acne is one thing that should never have existed. I haven't had a clear face since early middle school. I've tried prettyy much everything, and if it's not acne, it's redness.
- Social Anxiety Disorder - This is one of the hardest things someone can go through, especially when you're about to start college and you know at some point you're going to have to stand up in front of class and present something. That tells me that I might have to add "Panic Attack" to my list soon.
- Sensitive Teeth - I'm not sure why this is on HopeCube, but yes, I do have sensitive teeth. I can't bite into ice cream and sometimes it hurts pretty bad when I eat chooclate. But that doesn't stop me from doing it.
- Shyness - This connects to my social anxiety disorder.
- Phobia - I have the common fear of heights and needles. But I also have the fear of growing up and the fear of men. It's really hard for me. I'm getting over the fear of men, but I still don't want to grow up.
- Stress - Everyone has stress.
- Emotional Abuse - For as long as I can remember I was emotionally abused by males, whether it had been my brother, my grandfather, or my classmates in school. This eventually caused my fear of men, something I'm currently trying to fight.
demonic_kitten's Story
My story probably isn't as tragic as most people's. I still have both my parents, though they are divorced, I'm thankful they're still here. I was never physically abused or molested. But I have been hurt. Bad. I have to take medicine for depression, social anxiety, and parnoia. So here's my story.
It all started in middle school. Since all of my friends (about 4 or 5) moved away during elementary and early middle school, it was time I tried to find more. However, I found myself in a different group every year, as well as bullies targeting and closing in on me. But I was naive, and even though I felt alone inside I still believed I had friends.
During early high school people began picking on me for my love of animals, especially cats. I did what I was always told to do: ignore them. But it was hard, their words pierced my heart deeply. Then, in my sophomore year came the worst day of my life.
I'm not superstitious, but I'd like to point out that this particular day happened on Friday the 13th. Back then I WAS superstitious, and doing my best to make the day a good one. Alas, near the end of class my biology teacher began preparing for his anatomy class, and as the students gathered, I notced what was in his hand: a dead cat sprawled in plastic. People began laughing and meowing adn telling me to come look. I wanted to cry. I wanted to die.
All through high school I managed to stay with one crowd. I knew they weren't really my friends, real friend don't talk about as much as they did. I only kept them around to keep myself from sitting alone at lunch. I hated going to school, I often faked beiong sick to keep myself from going. I didn't want to go anywhere, I just wantedot stay home. People would meow at me, pull my hair, and talk about my face (I have terrible acne).
After I graudated I was relieved and ready to go off to college, until something hit me. What if college ends up to be just like high school? I dreaded going all summer long. I wrote Mom notes about how scared I was, but it seemed like she was ignoring them. Finally I had had enough. I would often cry at night, and stare at the knives when I walked past. Sometimes I would even scrape them gently across my wrist or my belly, wondering if I should just stab myself and get it over with. Finally I wrote my mom a note saying I was tired of living and that I felt I was wasting time and space.
The next morning she woke me up saying the doctor wanted to see me. I wondered what he wanted. Turns out my mom had given him my notes, and he was concerned. He requested I be sent to a hospital, where I stayed for almost a week (I got out two days before my 18th birthday). I couldn't stop crying my first night. I missed mom and my own bed. But while I was there I realized that my life wasn't as bad as it seemed. I could be someone who has to stay in hospital their whole life, or worse, I could be in prison.
But school wasn't my only issue. I had problems at home as well.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Um...I'm gonna update the story anymore. But trust me, I had problems at home as well. He's called a grandfather. -.- Anyhoo, I don't really come here often, but when I do, I'll try to keep a blog. :3
demonic_kitten's Blogs
demonic_kitten has 1 blogs. [view all]
- Hey - Fri, May 02, 2008 - [view]
Okie dokie here's my first blog post. :3 Hello everyone! I just finished my first college semester at Jacksonvilel State University. I'm studying to be either a zookeeper or a wildlife rehabilitator. Also, I've applied for a job at the vet's office. Cross your fingers for me! I've been occupying myself with The Sims 2 Pets and Fire Emblem, as well as ha...