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little sister kate's Story

my story begins 30 yrs ago when i was in high school my oldest brother went to bed a normal 29 yr old and woke up with bi polar scophrenia. i was very young but i tried to understand i have 3 older brothers jeff is the oldest i went to college and he seem to be do ing ok as long as he stayed on his meds but he would eventually go off because he didn't feel like he needed them. so it went on and on an both our parents helped him with coping with life. i went on and got married and life was going on then our father died in 2003 and 3 yrs later our mother died i took care of my mom for 10 yrs she had alzhimers and she died of ovaian cancer. i new my brother would be ok as long as my mom was here but when she passed away all he had was me to lean on i have raised 8 childern and he moved in with me and my family and then he wanted to try to live on his own. he was very demanding in this and I relectanatly went along. that was in january and now i had to put him in to the hospital because he went off his meds i just wish i could help him or fix him i sat on his bed in the hospital room today and i held him like he was my child. as he cried and said he was sorry. and all i could do is tell him everything will work out but part of me wants to scream why? why? and this is my story of why i need to find a support group to talk to about this. thanks little sister kate