queercat's Profile
- Sex: Female
- Age: 18
- Location:
92530
Issues queercat is Interested In
- Alcohol Addiction - When I was younger, I was a ful blown alchoholic. I've overcome it, yet sometimes I Still need to drink around people I'm uncomfortable around, or I don't know how to talk to them.
- Internet Addiction - I do nothing but sit in my room on the computer all day.
- Smoking - I started smoking at age 14, quit at age 17 and every now and then smoke when I'm stressed, tho I don't want to.
- Asthma - I can't run or go up and down my stairs too fast or I can't breath, get sharp pains and have to sit down. The doctors told my mom I had asthma when I was a small child yet she did nothing about it, I don't have an inhaler or anything.
- Breast Reduction - My anorexic friends think my breasts are disgusting. All the girls I like are skinny and want skinny girls and associate breasts with fat. My mom is always saying that my breasts "don't look right" or "are inappropriate". I rarely wear anything to show them off and when I do my mom and everyone else just tells me how gross they are and how fat they make me look.
- Bad Breath - I brush my teeth like once a day and put garlic in everything I eat. I'm disgusting and gross, I never want to get too close to people, I feel like I disgust others.
- Yoga - well i've always been interested in yoga as both a spiritual and physical excersize, i've tried tapes but couldn't keep up. i make half hearted attempts at times, but mostly like to invent my own stretches that feel good to me and do them, all the time. i bend in the srangest ways in public randomly.
- Anger Management Problem - When I was younger, I got depressed and never let anything out. I'm so sick of that, now I let it all out at once. It's not pretty but I'm sick of being a pathetic little martyr always keeping my feelings inside so others that don't even give a shit about me won't have to deal with it.
- Dependant Personality Disorder (DPD) - I latch on to people and have a hard time letting go. My biggest fear is abandonment and I clng, it's pathetic and gross.
- Depression - I'll be happy, and everything will be going great, perfect, wondeful, then once one bad thing happens I sink into a deep depression and sometimes don't come out for weeks.
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - I am really self-centered at times. My whole life I had extremely low self esteem up till recently, and I hate thinking I'm great. I'm not.
- Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) - I assume everyone has evil intentions, is making fun of me, ect. That's disgusting, do I really think I'm so great the world is always centered on me, even if in a negative way, god...
- Self-Injury - Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with anger, depression, ect all at once I hit myself in the face or bang my head on a wall, concrete ect
- Social Anxiety Disorder - I hate people. I've been fucked over by mainstream typical pseudo bohemian losers since I was a small child. I have a image in my mind of the type of person I hate, before I even get to know them. It's getting broader and borader every day. I don't want to be around anyone, yet at the same time I hate being alone. I drink to have a good time with people I can't stand sober.
- Suicide - Anytime something goes wrong, it's my emergency exit strategy. No matter how hard things get, I always have that option. Whenever I mention it to my boyfriend he gets angry, won't take me seriously or belive me and it makes me want to do it even more.
- Break Up and Divorce - When things go bad in a relashionship all I do is threaten a breakup to try to control the other person. I don't really try to do it to conrol the other person, I just hate some stuff so bad I want it to go away forever and I always regret saying it.
- Domestic Violence - Somteimes I get so mad in arguments with my boyfriend I go so far and to kick him.
- Jealousy - I assume everyone in the world is just like me. Since I can't trust myself, I don't think I should trust anyone else either. When it comes to my boyfriend, I have major episodes if he even hangs out with someone else, guy or girl. I just think everyone else in the world is so much better than me in every way and he's gonna fall in love with them and leave me. I hate when he has friends who are talented. I have a small group of people I can trust around him, I just feel like everyone else in the world wants me out of the picture and wants him. When it comes to friends, I feel so pissed when another fried is invited. I just fucking hate when people wanna go around intereacting with everyone I just want a closely tight knit group of people to interact only with each other. This goes against everything I belive in, I just want my friends nd boyfriend to never leave me and be with me all the time. I'm pathetic. I hate feeling like this.
- Obesity - I'm 140 pounds, and every other girl my age is a 2 digit weight. I have friends who are anorexic and make fun of me for not being anorexic. I eat healthy and excersize so I see no reason to be such a cow, I don't eat meat, I mostly eat fruits vegetables and grains yet I'm huge.
- Shyness - I don't want to talk to anyone, I won't get a job because of interviews, I won't even call to order a pizza, I never pick up my phone, I hate talking on the phone. I don't even like talking over the computer, I just don't know what to say to others, others that don't know half the stuff I'm interested in.
- Birth Control - i've been on the pill and the ring, don't really prefer either and i'm hoping to try the patch next time i visit the clinic. someday i want to use a natural form of birth control.
- Homosexuality - I always loved girls. I was in love with one girl throughout all of high school and I could never have her, words can't describe what she was to me, my boyfriend hates her, wants me to squash her out of my mind. I sometimes go on her myspace and her life is just so perfect, I want to be her. But I'm pathetic, so I can't. I always like girls, but they are skinny girls and they would never want a fat girl like me.
- Low Self Esteem - Sometimes, I have such high self esteem it's practically arrogance. Then I realize this and I'm so disgusted with myself, my self esteem drops to the point of despising myself.
queercat's Story
well, i was born.
then went through a series of shitty and lucky circumstances.
and now here i am, at this point in my life, just trying to work through my issues so they won't cloud the real me.
i like: art, real food, cooking, writing, spirtuality, my wonderful boyfriend, animals, video games, folk punk, sexy underwear, wes anderson films, you ger the drift...
queercat's Blogs
queercat has 3 blogs. [view all]
- pain, pain, go away... - Tue, January 22, 2008 - [view]
ughh this sucks so bad, i've had tonsilitis for the past 6 days, i felt like i was swallowing razorblades for the first 3 and now i'm on a steady schedule of Excedrin so I don't feel it, coughing up balls of mucus, sniffling, errr i hate this! it's given me an entirely new perspective on sickness, i always say "just meditate and eat right" to sick people, now i u... - worry sneaking up on me... - Tue, January 15, 2008 - [view]
i had a good day. after school i climbed a mountain by my house and ate delecious carrots and blackberries, hawiann bread and swiss cheese. i wrote in my notebook, i meditated, did some attempts at yoga, read a book. it was so wonderful and peaceful. i went back home and on the way found two really cool brand new pairs of shoes in a pile of rubbish. they were made ... - my thoughts while alone - Mon, January 14, 2008 - [view]
Things are back on the right track as of now. I hope I can keep them that way. I keep having wonderful dreams where I change my attitude towards things and they get better. I try to do it in the waking world too. Lately, my obsession is the tv show avatar. I don't have cable so I get episodes on dvd from the library. I've been staying in all day watch...