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  falis
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shielaxmae's Story

im shiela..18 yrs old...i live in the philippines..im still in college taking up bs-psychology...i stop going to school because i don't wanna go there anymore... im living w/ my sister now..and my parents are on the other place...i really hate my sister...she always get mad at me..she always blame me all the things even if i didn't do that...it's like im not doing good things anymore..you know im trying my best to impress her but itz no work,,she didn't appreciate it..she didn't care...and that makes me really sad...im very angry at her...i hate her too much..i wish she's not my sister..how could i call her a sister if she treat me like that?? sometimes when she go to my room and yell at me and giving me some hurtful words..i cry when she left my room,,, its like..what da hell was dat??im just resting on my room and suddenly she will go in it and yell at you..damn,,that was so lame..and while im crying this thing comes to my mind again.."suicide" i feel like i want to die..because im not important to my family...it hurts me when my dad wants to tell me that im the black sheep of our family...but every time i try to commit suicide itz like something is stopping me to do it,,,and all i got to do is to drown myself into music and lock myself into my room,.,,im not a sociable person,,so i usually stay at home...i hate crowds..i hate people stare at me like im a different kind of human being.....because every time im going out that thing happens and i dont want people to look at me like that way..because i dont know of what are they saying is it positive or negative...i hate this kind of life.. im so useless..no one cares for me..no one loves me...im just a mess...