swmmingcow's Profile
- Sex: Male
- Age: 19
- Location:
95376
Issues swmmingcow is Interested In
- Phobia - claustrophobic...its to the point where i cant think in small spaces. i can have the door closed, but i cant be surrounded by people or walls tightly. i freak out and cant stay there. i'd murder someone if they try to keep me in there.
- Lactose Intolerance - yep pretty self explanatory, but i cant stop eating diary products. there so good.
- Internet Addiction - im always on. because there is so much to do.
- Child Abuse - im not sure if it would be abuse but im going to say my story anyway. when i was younger my parents used to visit my family in new york, they would hang out with my uncles, well they used to get me and my cousins to fight one another not to the point of danger just till blood. then when i was a bit older my mom was afraid of my getting kidnapped so she used to tie me up and told me to escape. from chair, closet, and ect. but if i couldnt escape after 2 hours shed untie me. im not sure if thats weird or abuse so i put that in there.
- Antisocial Personality Disorder - im a smart guy. i know how i should feel about certain issues. but i am not feeling the things i say. i feel like im just saying what people would like to hear. im not sure if this is the right category for me. im afraid of certain things but, really i hate a lot of people...not even the ones i know. just, almost everyone.
- Low Self Esteem - i was fat when i was younger and i had no friends and it kinda carried with me all these years and i really hate it.
- Self-Injury - i used to and still do hurt myself. well, i cant cut myself i dont want the attention of the marks. i actually have people hit me, play a game called quarters, or any thing else to have pain brought on me. I like the feeling of it. not just the pain. but of feeling. Pleasure is a dull feeling pain is sharp and undeniable feeling that im alive.
- Bulimia Nervosa - i used to be fat when i was younger. but then i started to not eat or when i did eat i threw it up. i lost weight, then i stoped. i had a target weight that i missed by 10 pounds too light. but i still looked fat. but i stoped. now my skin is kinda strechy on my neck and man boobs. im still kinda fat 180 pounds and 5'8".
swmmingcow's Story
Not much to my story. born in cali. moved around to MA. lived there. kinda rejected by the kids from second grade till eighth when i moved back to CA. i am bored all of the time no matter what i do or hang out with. i really don't know what to say.
swmmingcow's Blogs
swmmingcow has 3 blogs. [view all]
- damn relationships. - Mon, January 28, 2008 - [view]
I'm using blogs as kinda a journal if thats alright. so me and my ex were on and off 2 times not al ot i know. but i think she wants to get back together with me. she broke up with me the first time then dated my best friend. then back together, then she broke up with me saying she found me unattractive. now i get the feeling she wants me back. i dont want it again. both times is when i s... - best walk ever - Fri, January 25, 2008 - [view]
one thing i forgot. a few nights ago i walk home for an hour and it was the best walk ever. it was dead quiet, and i didnt see another person the whole time. unbelievable. - hard to type here - Fri, January 25, 2008 - [view]
why does typing here feel like im walking through sand. my body is all heavy on here. but, i feel like this is a good place to be.