troybob333's Profile
- Sex: Male
- Age: 24
- Location:
46755
Recent Questions troybob333 is Interested In
Issues troybob333 is Interested In
- Bulimia Nervosa - I haven't had a problem with this for a while but I thought I would still add it to my list as I do have a very poor self image still and still think I am overweight and being on a med that makes you gain weight doesn't help. Everybody says I'm thin but that is debatable.
- Physical Abuse - I went through a good deal of physical abuse growing up from my dad whenever he thought my sister or I deserved it which left me in constant fear and walking on pins and needles most of the time.
- Emotional Abuse - When my dad didn't have his belt out it was constant put downs and yelling and cursing and telling us things like I wish I never had you, I brought you into this world and I can take you out and just about anything along those lines. It led to horrible self worth in high school and after until I finally started living for myself and when I saw that I'm not only doing diservice to myself by hateing myself but to also my friends, the few I have by constantly being in bad moods because of something a person said to me.... when I could look at life differently and try to do good out of the mess.
- Suicide - I hate admitting it but I have attempted several times. I am saying I did on here because it's real and it happens and it happens a LOT. When I tried I was in horrible places in my mind that I couldn't excape and the only way I saw out was to stop it all. It's not the answer and I am one of the very lucky ones to live through what I did to myself to tell you all there is hope just like this site is saying and is here for. Don't give up like I did, don't hide away until it is too late. The pain might seem like too much but know in your heart there is good out there, you just have to look for it.
- Self-Injury - This is something I still struggle with though only one person knows I still do as parents and doctors like to freak out about it and put you in phyc hospitals. Reasons why you can't explain so I stopped trying a long time ago but I seem to be going longer between 'episodes' of cutting. A lot of it is brought on by extreme stress or emotions fueled by never ending depressive episodes.
- Sexual Abuse - This I don't talk about much, if I get to know you maybe I will tell a little but this is a lot more private for me but it has effected me a lot.
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) - This has been the least of my worrys in the whole package but I do take meds for is as it was started to become a problem when I was living with 5 other men/drug addicts who were not the cleanest people in the world.
- Bipolar Disorder - My bipolar illness has been the center and focus of my life as everything including my other illnesses radiate around this curse.
troybob333's Story
I wrote my last ‘story’ when I was rather depressed and irritable and it sounded a bit punchy and that really isn’t me so I decided to rewrite it.
Wow, where to start, there is no way I can go over even all the main things that happened in my life so far so I will just hit some and if you want filled in it’s up to you to ask, that sound fair?
I had a very abusive father growing up, to the point of being scared for my life some days. A mother that is in 100% denial about the whole thing (even to this day) doesn’t help. There’s too much there to even skim the surface but the abuse was just crushing and I am still dealing with it.
In high school I was wrongly diagnosed major depressive and meds sent me to the hospital several times with things like convulsions and hallucinations. I went from a top student in the state to almost not finishing high school. Years later I was properly diagnosed as bipolar when I went full manic. The road has been very tough, mental inpatient 6 times. Somewhere in there when I completely stopped caring about anything drugs got mixed in. Something I am not proud of at all and I struggled with it at lot, even got labeled as a drug addict but I am proud to say I have been clean for well over a year and am not looking back.
Then there are the 5 times I almost/did die. Two car accidents, the second I lived only by grace, nobody gets ejected out of a car at 80+ head first onto a road and not even break a single bone. Two suicide attempts and with each nobody really knows how I lived, the first I think I was actually dead for a little bit but came back on my own. Then there was the time I mixed two drugs that don’t mix and died on the table twice. Drugs = baaaaad
I am still here though, God only knows why, really, only He does. I just hope I see it before it is too late. Circumstances have left me without a single friend, and being in my apartment alone day in and day out is driving me batty. I’d like to offer an ear to anybody who fancies talking to me. My life has been extreme but don’t take that what you are going through is any less important, we all deal with something and it effects us all the same.
I leave you all with that; take from it what you will, there is a lot I left out, but I guess those are some of the more important things.
troybob333's Blogs
troybob333 has 11 blogs. [view all]
- hair hair everywhere - Sun, February 10, 2008 - [view]
Not a whole lot to report here. Just a lot of daydreams of a girl. No job still, but in an attempt to look better for a job, first impression kind of thing, I chopped off all my hair. I'm really starting to like the cut more and more, but at first look my first thought was AAAAAAAAHHHH. Just a big change from long hair with bangs down to my chin and hair going part w... - a nice surprise - Fri, January 25, 2008 - [view]
I finally remembered to get my mail today out of the mailbox and I had a very very nice surprise waiting for me. Somebody sent me $100 in gift certificates. I have no idea who but I want to hug them. I need money so badly right now. They just came in a plain white envelope without a return address. They are through the local area chamber of commerce and are redeema... - Forgotten - Fri, January 18, 2008 - [view]
I was going through a stack of old cds/disks and found some backups I made several years ago. I took a look on one and it had the save files of outlook express on in. I don't use outlook anymore, but I pasted the save files over the ones on my computer and opened it up and it has every single email I got from 2000 to 2005, several thousand.....I can't really explain how I fe... - midnight shadow - Wed, January 16, 2008 - [view]
I had a good night last night. I reconnected with the last friend I had around here. We hadn’t talked for several months, which was partly my fault. When a lot of things start going wrong in my life I have the habit of shutting off and shutting out. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but instead of drawing people towards me to help me rally, I push away to... - point blank - Tue, January 15, 2008 - [view]
When it came down to it, parents aren't actually heartless. They decided to help with this months rent, but actually, I don't know how much I like it. I should be happy that they are helping, but you'd have to know my parents. They like to hold things against you. "See what WE did for you???' They are petty. What can I say, they are Itali...