Abortion - RECENTLY HAD AN ABORTION THIS PAST OCT. I HAVE 3 CHILDREN ALREADY, THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN MY 4TH. I FEEL REALLY GUILTY THAT I ABORTED THIS CHILD. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BETRAYED THIS CHILD BY NOT HAVING HIM/HER. MY PREGNANCY WAS A TOTAL SURPRISE, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I AM HARDLY SEXUALLY ACTIVE WITH MY CHILDREN'S FATHER. I KNEW THAT THERE WASN'T ANY WAY THAT I COULD HAVE THIS CHILD DUE TO FINANCIAL AND STABILITY HARDSHIP. I AM HARDLY STAYING AFLOAT WITH THE 3 CHILDREN THAT I HAVE ALREADY. IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE A 4TH, BUT THIS DOES NOTHING FOR MY GUILT AND DEPRESSION. I AM FEELING LIKE A MURDERER, AND WONDERING WHY I AM LIVING AND MY BABY ISN'T...

Depression - I AM SEVERELY DEPRESSED OVER THE ABORTION THAT I HAD. I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT I HAVE DONE. I FEEL LIKE A WORTHLESS MURDERER, THAT SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO LIVE. I BELIEVE THAT THE ABORTION WAS A MISTAKE BUT I KNEW THAT I COULD NOT HAVE ANOTHER CHILD UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT I AM LIVING IN NOW.

Rape - I WAS RAPED AND MOLESTED WHEN I WAS 10 YRS OLD. THE RAPIST WAS A NEIGHBOR, WHO WAS ALSO MY FRIEND AND 10 YRS OLD AS WELL. I NEVER RECOVERED FROM MY RAPE BECAUSE I NEVER TOLD ANYONE THAT IT EVER HAPPENED. I WAS RAPED ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION BY THIS SO CALLED "FRIEND". I WAS UNDER THE CARE OF MY GRANDPARENTS DURING THESE TIMES. I WAS VERY CLOSE WITH MY GRANDPARENTS, BUT DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART TO TELL THEM ABOUT THE RAPES. I DIDN'T WANT TO UPSET THEM AND HURT THEM, SO I KEPT EVERYTHING BOTTLED INSIDE. I WAS ALSO RAPED LATER ON AT AGE 15. THIS TIME WAS BY MY FRIEND'S FRIEND. THIS RAPE OCCURRED OUTSIDE RIGHT BY A CHURCH. NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT MY FAITH, AND GOING ATTENDING MASS IN A CHURCH WAS SPOILED FOR A LONG TIME. AT AGE 18, I WAS MOLESTED BY MY FRIEND'S HUSBAND. SHE HAD WALKED IN AND INTERRUPTED HIM OTHERWISE I TRULY BELIEVE THAT HE WOULD HAVE RAPED ME AS WELL. HE MADE COMMENTS TO BE PHYSICAL WITH ME BEFORE BUT I JUST IGNORED HIM. WRONG MOVE ON MY PART. THIS OCCURRENCE KILLED ME BECAUSE MY FRIEND DIDN'T CARE WHAT HE DID, AND IT BROUGHT BACK OLD, HORRIBLE MEMORIES FOR ME. THE FEELINGS OF BEING OVERPOWERED AND HELPLESS, GUILTY, AND SHAME FULL. BECAUSE OF THESE ORDEALS, I FIND IT VERY HARD TO TRUST MEN AND FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND THEM. I BOTTLED UP MY FEELINGS FOR SO LONG AND NEVER TOLD ANYONE OR REPORTED THE RAPES THAT I NOW CONSIDER MYSELF A MASTER OF DECEPTION AND HIDING MY TRUE FEELINGS. I PUT ON A FACADE TO PROTECT MYSELF AND MY FEELINGS, BUT THE CLOSER THAT YOU GET TO ME, YOU WILL SEE THAT THERE ARE MANY ORDEALS THAT I HAVE NEVER DEALT WITH. IT IS TRULY HORRIBLE HOW THIS TERRIBLE CRIME GOES UNPUNISHED IN MY SITUATION, YET HAS RUINED A LARGE PART OF MY LIFE. I SOMETIMES WONDER IF SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. AM I A GLUTTEN FOR PUNISHMENT? WHY FOR ALL OF THESE TIMES HAVE I STAYED SILENT, AND WAS SECRETLY DYING INSIDE. I LET THE GUILTY WALK AND I CARRY THE SHAME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.