today my 'cousin' came. that one that almost raped me. i'm so scared of him.  yesterday i told my mom to tell me what happened the day they kicked him out. my mom said that my cousin said i was liar when she told him that he was touching me. i never want to see him, but that can't happen. my parents act like nothing happened to me. why do they act like that. don't they know that i'm scared of him. an i keep getting bad vibes from him. i can feel him watching me. i'm scared what will happen if i can't get away from him.

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i keep seeing my cousin. since my parents still talk to him .i never did tell them about what happened. i scared that he will do it again. so, i try to avoide him at all times. i feel like he's watching me.

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on january 30, 2010 my parents fought again. it all started when my dad went out to pock up my grandma and never came back. my mom, brothers and i went to look for him and we found him drunk with his friends. my mom left that place and took us somewhere else. i was scared that my family will be broken apart. we came back home at 3 am. my dad and his friends were asleep in the car. when we were driving back home my mom said it was my fault that they fought.

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I feel lost and confused. I work with other people who intimidate me. They want to meet with me, probably to tell me how I am doing a terrible job which I am. I am not doing my job. I just want to focus on my studies and nothing more. It is unfortunate for those who just want to get the degree and not interact with others because you simply do not want to. I think that people have a problem with people who like to be by themselves.

Working with a difficult person is a huge obstacle for me. It adds unnecessary stress which either brings me to amplifying my depression or manic thoughts.

 Yes, sometimes I feel that I want to die, but in reality I just want to be alone and not interact with people my age, I don't understand them and they do not understand me. 

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More about me, please visit my facebook account: Penélope Villarreal Díaz

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what do i say, how do i say it. how do i tell her that i like her. i can see it now, i m setting right next to her on the bus, i then say to her hi there your cute. then the next thing i see heading straight for my face is a slap, and then the pain of my face hits me with the force of a train. leaving a bright red mark on me. causing my heart to hurt.

i don't want to get hurt, and at the same time i don't want to hurt her. i really like her shes cute, nice, fun to be around. not mean. shes cool and has friends.

what do i do, my bro said to start with small talk, my sister in law said that i need guts.i need to change. but how. how do i tell her that l like her a lot?

will the pain hurt for a long time? will it cause my heart to fall apart leaving me with emotions? will my tears just stop and there for  i will never be ably to cry again?

i am new to this like girls thing. i was always  the kid that wanted to be alone, in the dark with the world gone. no sound, time still. no love , no hate, nothing but the sound of my breath as it hits the walls around me. 

what has changed, how did i change? it feels so new to me to be around other people.

i like it… and at or around the same time i don't like it cause if i say thous few small words may end up causing me so much pain. that i may end up going back to my old self. i really don't want that to happen.

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today my family and me were talking about my cousin (who i thnk is just really hyper). my parents and my brother and me were talking about after we finshed talking about my cousin. were talking about possible girlfriends for my brother and i said i want a girlfriend to. they didn't act kindly to that. they both said to stop acting . i told my brother why are they not taking this sesuriously. he just told me to stop playing around. but i wasn't playing. i really think i like girls more than i like boys. but nobody will believe , they all thnk that i'm just playing around.

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my depression hasn't got any better. i have resorted to cutting.it doesn't hurt at all when i do it. i have cutted on my left arm. i'm so afaraid that one day my parents are going to see it. i regret it when i think that somebody is going to find out, but i also hope somebody does find out so i can get help.

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Well, it will almost be an entire year since I've last cut. I'm doing great still and I just wanted to let you all know. I hope everyone else is doing great too!

FyreSakura

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