I find myself getting into trouble with this addiction and especially when i get on here. I need help is there any suggestions or words of wisdom from my friends.

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I drink so i cant feel the pain of being wanted or being excepted by family and friends. I ma the outcast of family and friends. Being drunk makes me feel better, makes me fell wanted and takes all the pain i have ever felt my whole life AWAY. I haven't drank anything since Jun 1, 2008. I know that it hasnt been that long but ya know what its a start.

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I smoked today and I feel like people are watching me like I am too young to do it. I know this because one of my professors told me. She said I am too young to smoke. I didn't feel like arguing on such a depressing day, so I did not bother defending myself. Though I must say I don't recall saying something other than "No I'm not". I don't think I looked at her face. It was too bright out and I don't know why but I think it is very ironic that she was wearing blue. 

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Seriolsly Allen Kar is a genious, at least about smoking (the book about loosing weight was a pile of bullshit and it's not just my opinion).

 Even at the early stages my max was 3 days. In that stage less than 24 hours. But he accualy made my mind different about it. I'm not going perfectly by the plan, it's still hard but it's amazing enough for me. I just want to get out of this totally because then maybe i will feel different about other stuff too like food and everything but I will never never fall in this again. I caughed like crazy last few months and even quit a job because it started to get hard and all the money i've been waisting…

Seriosly one of the motivations is that now I can get myself an Ice Cofee whenever I want and don't feel guilty about the money because I would've spend on siggaretes more anyway!

And now I can remove one issue from my list!!  Hope they all get removed, Accualy I will keep it here a bit longer just till the nicotine will leave the body, becasue the addiction in my mind I aleady killed!

Last thing to say, seriosly check out his book…

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I believe the cure for is first admittance after major life destruction that I have a problem. My problem was getting angry and going out of control after drinking.

I never was the type that could drink all day every day. I am probably one of the lucky ones because while I am tempted I just made a choice not to do it to myself or to anybody around me anymore. I don't think there is ever any compromises or so called moderation with me. I always drank to a certain point and then I would sleep.

I've known people who drank straight out of a bottle. (Gross) And even after doing that all day they acted normally and even drove like champs. Yeah I know its scary and also not me.

 Temptation for me seems to be boredom since I would drink beer while working or cleaning my bike and playing music. 

 I do owe allot to what support system I have. My friends, family, and even my ex who can't be there for me right now but I know somehow that she is there for me. I keep thinking they should all dislike me and maybe some do. In the end I don't care about being disliked because if I did I would have had nothing to live this long for.

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For those of you who don't know, Final Fantasy XI is an online game where geeks and stoners from around the world meet to kill fake monsters and form hypothetical relationships.  Basically, it's my way of keeping in touch with the outside world without actually having to live there. ^^; But recently, I had to quit.

You see, that's where I met the person I care so much about.  Whenever I'm around them, I act like a different person.  Always making a fool of myself just to get their attention.  It's ridiculous.  They left for a long time, but have decided to come back…  so, I need distance to keep from turning into that annoying, unlivable person again.

This is very difficult for me, since it's my main source of human interaction.  In the past few days sicne leaving, I've done nothing but sleep, waking a few hours at a time to watch something.  Only, to fall asleep again…

It's that that I'd rather this person not come back.  I just need time to get to a place where we can spend time in the same place without me acting a fool.  If that makes sense…

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Well to tell you guys the truth i been through alot, is very hard for me to open up to people. Is ok, i fell alot better now, thanks for some ppl on this site, i finally understood what my problem was and how i can manage it. I still got to work on in from time to time, believe me!! i attack myselft alot and lately i been hearing some good advices that have help me out alot!!

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To overcome codependence, learn to love yourSelf first. Promise to always be there for You. Nourish YourSelf. The need for acceptance by others will fade away as you discover Who You Really Are.

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I dont care if my parents are apart of my life, I dont care if they want to kno what's going on in my life; it's too late now. I dont want them to be all concerned about my sexual life after it was done 5 months ago.I really dont want my parents being there to tell me what's right and what's wrong, and telling me that I think they're stupid. You are stupid for coming up with some shity conclusion as that. I dont even kno why my mom thinks that. I dont think she's stupid in that sense but she's fucked in the brain if she  thinks I think she's stupid. "I'llfind out what you guys are doing it's only a matter of time" Like I fucking care. No punishment they give me will fuck me up so bad taht I wont go into it again. That's never stopped somethings they tell me not to do. She tells me not to be flirty and shit around people or else they'll think Im easy. Well Im not, love comes before love making and I would never do anything with anyome on the spot. I may flirt with my friends, they do fondle me and stuff but I would never get intimate with them if I didnt love them. That's why Im so confused about my friend, I want to fool around with him but I dont want to sleep with him>.< I love him, and he's one of the coolest guys ever, but I love him as a friend, and I cant really see us screwing…

 I'm thinking of going on a break…with guys that is. Swithc over to girls for a while.. But the problem with that is that only 3 people kno that Im bi(at my school) and then everyone's gonna think that my ex hurt me so bad I gave up on guys.. Which isnt entirly true:P But I'll see how things takes me with my girl-liking-ness…I'll have a nice laugh if I actually get to havin a girlfriend cheer me on!>.<

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I dont literaly walk around imagining guys naked.I walk around imagining me with my ex and my other friend..I cant stop thinking of him, i cant stop thinking of having sex with him, and cant stop thinking of all the times i gave him head and the other things he did to me. I dont want to m________e because I'm trying to quite that too. Although I might relaps and do it again. And then there's my other friend that supposedly likes me. I dont really think of him in the sense of having sex with him, but I do kinda flirt with him.I dont kno  if I would do him or not but he did say his member was bigger than my ex's but if anyone's taking my virginity, it's my ex, if not my ex boyfriend. I would think of my other friend as a friend with benefits. I wouldnt get into a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with him, but I would screw around with him once Im not a virgin anymore.If i dont have a boyfriend taht is but even so If im not really interested in the guy, I'd either cheat or break up with him and screw around with my other friend. NOt only that but there's this other really hot guy at school who I want to get together with and give head. but I want to go out with him if that's ever gonna happen. I dont whore myself around, you have to win my heart to get the prize, if you kno what i mean. But right now I honestly dont kno what to do with either of these guys, but with my ex and the hot dude I have to actually start talking to them, but im pretty sure nothing's gonna happen between me and my ex, I just have to go one with my fantasieswith him, which sounds really lame of me but that's what's gonna have to happen until I get a chance to at least talk to him alone let alone get his pants off and suck him dry.

And there was that time when I got really drunk with my friends and I 'exposed' myself to my friend with benefits…I kno I said I wanted to fuck him many times and that I was all over him. And that I kissed his neck when he walked me home, but we had a conversation about him finally deciding his sexuality as a straight person, I kno i said something after taht but I dont kn what. People said I was all over him and taht I was dancing and singing all that jazz, I honestly dont remember most of it. There's just alot of sexual tension going on around me, most of it one sided and some of it equal, but one things for certain, I still really wanna have sex with my ex. I need to watch some porn>_>

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