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I feel so stressed. My mom isn't what I need right now. When she gets angry, it will increase her chances of getting a heart attack, which I do not want her to get. Yet sometimes, she really tests me, sometimes I wish she can hear what I really have to say about her mothering skills. I don't appreciate her talling me that I am stupid. I really don't like it at all. When she told me today that it was all my fault, well I stepped out of her way and took a shower. Her telling me that was unecessary and it makes me feel that I should move out of the apartment. I want to. I can do it. But I am in a lot of mixed up emotions as it is that I don't know I can keep my own place. I don't want anything fancy I just want something I can call my own place. First, I need a job and keep it.

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My headaches are not going away. I stopped drinking coffee since last week and I've been sleeping ok (5hrs- it's still a work in progress). But I guess that isn't enough; nothing is. I feel so hopeless. 

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I am so nervous. Earlier today, this morning I just couldn't sleep and I was having short breaths. I feel so out of order and a little lost. The feeling of not being able to sustain control. Very anxious, which is normal before a speech. But having my issues, I don't now how much of this anxiety is normal. 

I want to have control over this but some of it is out of my hands. I get frustrated because I want to know that all that suppose to happen is going to happen, my speech is going to be alright and that all I have to do is work on my other homework. I can't help to feel like I am going to get a phone call from home, something bad. "Mom is in the hospital" or "Dad just had a stroke", it would definitely drop all my school work and ask for a ride home. I am being pessimistic and I don't blame myself for it, I have every reason to. 

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I feel like shit. I feel like I can't do anything. I am trying to get through the day but it seems like something is stopping me and all I can think of is me. The person that won't let me do anything. I guess it's the negative thing when I say that I am the on that is keeping myself back. I feel nervous. I feel like I am going to snap!

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Well, I talked to my friend about the harassment issue a few weeks back, so I'm telling you how it's going now. He said that he didn't realize it was making me so uncomfortable and that he thought I was okay with it. Well, obviously not right? So, he said he was sorry and that he would tone it down a bit. It's not that bad anymore, he doesn't say anything bad anymore and he doesn't do inappropriate actions, so I guess it's much better, but he still follows me around. But now I've got another problem, another boy whose not exactly my friend, but I talk to him out of pity because he's new and has no friends, has been all over me lately. He was so bad around me, that my homeroom teacher told him to "Give her space to breathe!" during class a few days ago. She also told me that it's okay to tell him to get away from me, but I think i'm too scared because the reason he moved was because he flipped out on some kids at his old school and threatened them with a knife! So, I know that it is totally possible he might do that again. So, now I have him to worry about. I don't know why it is that all these boys seem to find me irresistible, but it is getting really old. All I ever do is push boys away, yet they all insist on liking me. I don't get it!! I just wanna know why they won't leave me alone! So, now I've got boy issues, but I'll get through it. Thanks for listenin'.

FyreSakura 

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Well, on Friday I found out that I got upped into the highest class of them all (excel its called). it's a really hard class and now that i'm in it, i gotta do all these super long and hard projects, and it's really stressful cuz idk if i can do it without my cutting anymore. i mean, i just got in and 5 minutes later the teacher is like " now, i want you to write a 2-3 page essay on long term projects for ur first class on monday" i didn't even learn about those in study skills yet!! but, i'm also happy becuz now i get out of my old study skills class, the teacher is really godly and "the world is perfect", which i know not to be true, and i despise her for it. i also hate her becuz it was to easy and my grades were getting lower becuz i wasn't paying attention. plus, she makes you read for like ever and that gives me headaches beyond crazy, so i hate her for that as well. but, i'm learning to just ignore the pain, or just hit to get rid of it, instead of cutting. it's hard, but i'm doing it. o well, sry for tlkin so long. ばい　ばい、　みんあ！　

きょこ　 

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Well, i'm probably over-reacting becuz i'm in a lame mood right now, but I wanna know other people's inputs on my issue. So basically, I think my best friend might be (sexually?) harassing me. Whenever I see him, he stares. He says disturbing things to me like "Wasn't last night soooo good?" and "I bet last night was the best night of your life since I was with you.  You were soooo hot in that little lingerie of yours." and "Gosh, I want you sooo bad tonight. AGAIN! Let's go, baby" It's much worse than that at other times. He follows me around doing inappropriate actions and things and grasps me hard on my arms and hands and tends to touch me places I don't want him to. I have a really hard time saying anything though, cuz I get really scared. I'm trying to get away from him, but he won't leave me alone. Do you guys think this is harassment? What should I do. I'm really scared right now. I don't know what to do though, becuz he is a really good friend and, believe it or not, I really cared for him until this started happening. I'm torn inside and I don't know what to do. HELP! I need advice or something!

Thanks,

FyreSakura 

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In a good way, I guess, I am under stress, as my two friends, are both having a rough time. I am working with each of them , trying to help them deal with there problems. I am in pain, but I am trying to use reverse phycology, and  say if I focus on them, my  pain will go away. Not sure if it is helping, but at least I am trying to help myself.

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There is a lot of stuff going on with me right now, and I don't know how much more I can handle. Between all my mental problems and physical proms, I feel like I am going to loose it.

Sometimes I wish I could kill myself and be done, but I know that that is not the answer, as I tried it twice, and nearly died. Coming back   was worse than trying, so there must be a reason I am here.

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