Well, I'm writing to state that I believe my self-esteem has risen greatly. I'm getting better at acknowledging that i'm good at stuff (like field hockey and violin) since i went to camps for them, and i'm also becoming an overall happier person. My stress is down a little now that school is out, my pessimism is almost completely down the drain, although i can be a little pessimistic at some times, weight training is doing great, i'm losing some weight!, headaches are practically gone, my ankle feels better although my back still hurts, i'm not so angry anymore, i haven't self injured in months although i think about it, i think i'm falling in love, and I think everything is just getting better and better ever since i came to this site! I just wanna thank everybody who has helped me so much. I wanna point out my best of friends, falis, donovan, Stelzare, and empowermentfitness and thank them for helping me soooo much this past year or so. Thanks again so much in aiding in my wonderful improvement! ^.^

FyreSakura 

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I smile all the time… and laugh, but none of it means a thing.  To say I hate myself would be a drastic understatement.  I loathe myself.  I’m always quick to jump to negative conclusions with regard to people’s feelings toward me.  I’m stupid, worthless… no fun to be around at all.

A friend said that the reason this person I care about doesn’t careabout me is because I don’t care about myself.  How can anyone love someonewho doesn’t, right?  I’m inclined to believe but… I knowwhat love is.  It know how it feels, since I can direct it toward others.

I don’t blame anyone for not loving me… But I always had hope that someone could, and that someday they would… What’s a person to do when their dreams are so easily crushed..? Smile?

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So, I've been communicating with this person…  cyber6.  I don't really enjoy it, but it feels good just to be wanted. They're sort of a sex addict I think.  It's not fair to fuel their addiction just to satisfy my need to feel accepted and loved, even for a short while - even if it means this person's cheating and I'm just a whore- but we both dance.

I always give and never recieve because there's nothing I want more than to make people happy.  It also allows a certain level of disconnection.  The other person enjoys it, too.  The seduction… the arousal… the climax can all be written off as a silly game as long as I don't get too close…

I hate sex… I hate myself.  but the thought of making someone happy is too great to ignore.

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Most of the time I feel like I have a perfectly healthy self-esteem level… I think that I am a smart, competent person, and feel confidence that I will achieve what I want in life.

However, with interactions with potential friends, I find that I sabotage myself by worrying that they don't like me. This makes me behave in ways that makes me less likeable and this just brings down my self-esteem.

I guess I have always had a hard time making friends, and am almost never part of a "group." I connect with individuals, but don't fit in with the crowd.

I guess after high school, when I had to make new friends from scratch, is when I started to think about all of this. I have only had 2 years of college to learn in, but these are supposed to be the years where you make friends for life… so if anyone has any tips on how to be more confident and get to know new people… I'd appreciate it…

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Parenting is hard enough.  But trying to do it alone is even harder.  Especially having to start rom scratch.  I was only supposed to be here for a week to dogsit for someone.  Then I got the phone call saying, just stay there.  I don't want you to come back.  Stay here? With a week's worth of clothes for myself and my daughter?  With a baby due in less than a month?  Where am I supposed to get money?  What about the stuff the baby needs?  What am I supposed to tell the people I'm dogsitting for when they come back?  Why is it so hard starting over with nothing?  I'm doing everything I can to take care of myself, my daughter, and now my brand new 21/2 week old son, and yet I still feel like I'm a horrible mother.  Is there any way to reassure myself?  To make that feeling go away?  What have I done to cause my baies to have to go through this?  Why do I feel like it's my fault?

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