I feel lost and confused. I work with other people who intimidate me. They want to meet with me, probably to tell me how I am doing a terrible job which I am. I am not doing my job. I just want to focus on my studies and nothing more. It is unfortunate for those who just want to get the degree and not interact with others because you simply do not want to. I think that people have a problem with people who like to be by themselves.

Working with a difficult person is a huge obstacle for me. It adds unnecessary stress which either brings me to amplifying my depression or manic thoughts.

 Yes, sometimes I feel that I want to die, but in reality I just want to be alone and not interact with people my age, I don't understand them and they do not understand me. 

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what do i say, how do i say it. how do i tell her that i like her. i can see it now, i m setting right next to her on the bus, i then say to her hi there your cute. then the next thing i see heading straight for my face is a slap, and then the pain of my face hits me with the force of a train. leaving a bright red mark on me. causing my heart to hurt.

i don't want to get hurt, and at the same time i don't want to hurt her. i really like her shes cute, nice, fun to be around. not mean. shes cool and has friends.

what do i do, my bro said to start with small talk, my sister in law said that i need guts.i need to change. but how. how do i tell her that l like her a lot?

will the pain hurt for a long time? will it cause my heart to fall apart leaving me with emotions? will my tears just stop and there for  i will never be ably to cry again?

i am new to this like girls thing. i was always  the kid that wanted to be alone, in the dark with the world gone. no sound, time still. no love , no hate, nothing but the sound of my breath as it hits the walls around me. 

what has changed, how did i change? it feels so new to me to be around other people.

i like it… and at or around the same time i don't like it cause if i say thous few small words may end up causing me so much pain. that i may end up going back to my old self. i really don't want that to happen.

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Well, I'm writing to state that I believe my self-esteem has risen greatly. I'm getting better at acknowledging that i'm good at stuff (like field hockey and violin) since i went to camps for them, and i'm also becoming an overall happier person. My stress is down a little now that school is out, my pessimism is almost completely down the drain, although i can be a little pessimistic at some times, weight training is doing great, i'm losing some weight!, headaches are practically gone, my ankle feels better although my back still hurts, i'm not so angry anymore, i haven't self injured in months although i think about it, i think i'm falling in love, and I think everything is just getting better and better ever since i came to this site! I just wanna thank everybody who has helped me so much. I wanna point out my best of friends, falis, donovan, Stelzare, and empowermentfitness and thank them for helping me soooo much this past year or so. Thanks again so much in aiding in my wonderful improvement! ^.^

FyreSakura 

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I smile all the time… and laugh, but none of it means a thing.  To say I hate myself would be a drastic understatement.  I loathe myself.  I’m always quick to jump to negative conclusions with regard to people’s feelings toward me.  I’m stupid, worthless… no fun to be around at all.

A friend said that the reason this person I care about doesn’t careabout me is because I don’t care about myself.  How can anyone love someonewho doesn’t, right?  I’m inclined to believe but… I knowwhat love is.  It know how it feels, since I can direct it toward others.

I don’t blame anyone for not loving me… But I always had hope that someone could, and that someday they would… What’s a person to do when their dreams are so easily crushed..? Smile?

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So, I've been communicating with this person…  cyber6.  I don't really enjoy it, but it feels good just to be wanted. They're sort of a sex addict I think.  It's not fair to fuel their addiction just to satisfy my need to feel accepted and loved, even for a short while - even if it means this person's cheating and I'm just a whore- but we both dance.

I always give and never recieve because there's nothing I want more than to make people happy.  It also allows a certain level of disconnection.  The other person enjoys it, too.  The seduction… the arousal… the climax can all be written off as a silly game as long as I don't get too close…

I hate sex… I hate myself.  but the thought of making someone happy is too great to ignore.

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Most of the time I feel like I have a perfectly healthy self-esteem level… I think that I am a smart, competent person, and feel confidence that I will achieve what I want in life.

However, with interactions with potential friends, I find that I sabotage myself by worrying that they don't like me. This makes me behave in ways that makes me less likeable and this just brings down my self-esteem.

I guess I have always had a hard time making friends, and am almost never part of a "group." I connect with individuals, but don't fit in with the crowd.

I guess after high school, when I had to make new friends from scratch, is when I started to think about all of this. I have only had 2 years of college to learn in, but these are supposed to be the years where you make friends for life… so if anyone has any tips on how to be more confident and get to know new people… I'd appreciate it…

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