((( I intended for the title of this blog to be ” Fights and Flights OF the Evening”, but I mistyped it. Ad it’s now unchangeable. )))
Hello again,
It’s 1:00 AM in the morning and I have to get up for work in five 1/2 hours, however, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep until my parents come home. So, allow me to fill you in on what happened tonight, because I’d like to talk to someone about it…because I’m tired of pretending things like this never happened.
I noticed today that my mother and father were acting strangely. My mother was on-edge and irate, while my father seemed depressed. I tried to get them to talk to me about what ever was bothering each of them, but they both insisted they were fine. Which, obviously was a lie. They weren’t speaking to each other. They wouldn’t even remain in the same room with the other for long.I was initially offended by their actions. It made me angry that they kept me on the outside, and that neither of them wanted to confide in me or talk to me about their problems. We had plans for a happy evening. We were going to decorate the Christmas tree and watch “It’s a Wonderful Life”. It’s a holiday tradition of ours. But the afternoon and evening slipped by with no word of acting on our plans. That also hurt my feelings.
Then, at about 11:00 I hear shouting from outside my room. They were in their bedroom which is beyond the living room and I couldn’t discern what their argument was about. I tried to keep reading but I couldn’t focus, so I tried to go to sleep. It seems like I must’ve stared at the ceiling for an hour or more, I don’t know, maybe I dozed, but I didn’t feel exactly comfortable with my parent’s indistinct shouting and slamming around weighing gloomily on my conscience.
I heard the door of their bedroom fling open and hit the wall, I could hear my mom crying “No! No!” in a pleading way, and the rustle of what sounded like grocery bags. The noises proceeded onto the front porch, down onto the driveway underneath my window. There mom was sounding more crazed, she was blubbering, and whatever my father was saying came out in a fierce growl. The car door slammed and the car backed out of the driveway. Then I heard the front door open and someone go back into the bed room.
Then my inner conflict began. I figured that my dad had drove off, for a long drive most likely. And that my mom was now crying her eyes out in her bedroom. It was long past the acceptable hours for me to be awake, but I tried to put myself in her position, and I figured that I would want someone to talk to or to rave to. So I decided not to knock on her door, but to page her on the telephone. That way she could dismiss me more easily is she wanted, but if petting was what she needed I’d go into her room.
I debated for a few minutes longer, then I made the call. My father answered. I began stammering, I had absolutely no idea what to say. He laughed at my nonsensical stalling and said ” You must be upset after hearing what happened.” So I decided that honestly was the best policy and told him that I expected mom to answer the phone, and I was just wanted to see if she wanted to talk about it. He apologized for disturbing me, then he began to explain to me what happened.
He said that they had had a bad day today. Something about my how father went into a electronics store while my mother went into a book store, my father finished window shopping and went home ( they had met for breakfast before and were driving separate vehicles) and it turns out that this offended my mom to no end. It really hurt her feelings that my dad ddn’t go into the bookstore to see her before he left, also, my 23 year old brother was with my father at the time.
So he told me that she had been going on about that all day and that he couldn’t convince her that he was sorry. He then revealed to me that for the last couple of months, every time that get into an argument she says she’s going to leave, and threatens to get a divorce. My father said he’s told her that divorce wasn’t an option. So tonight when they argued my mother started gathering her tings, saying she was going to leave, which my father says she’s done before. But he got so angry at one point of their fight that he grabbed her bags and took her by the wrist and led her to the car outside, where he forced her to get in. So. My mother is gone. I’m a little terrified of that fact. I don’t know when she’s comming back, if ever.
My father said he doesn’t know where she’ll go. He actually left about ten minutes after he and I spoke on the phone. He said he was going to find her and bring her home. But, I think that may prove to be kind of difficult. Neither of them have a cell phone if they happen to get in a car accident this late on a rainy night either.
I just can’t help but thinking that it’s all my fault. I’ve been treating my mother like shit for the last few months. She lacks all of the moral values and ideas that I hold true to. I tell her I love her everyday, I do my chores, but I don’t like to be around her more than I have to. I say mean things to her, because I am intolerant. I pray for forgiveness for that. I try to accept her flaws. She’s taught me how not to be, and for that I’m greatfull. She nurtured me as a kid, but then I became smart enough to see her actions, and to learn of her true self. So this situation could in fact be entirely my fault. My mom is unhappy because she and I aren’t close. So she wants to escape.
I’ve thought it before, and I’m now certain,
I’m never getting married.
Thanks for reading,
Steph
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