about the person I love. He's sweet, kind, gentle, loving… but he's none of those things to me. He shows me his darker side; the sadness, anguish, pain… And I love him so much.
That of course begs the question: Is Chase gay? I would say no for the simple fact that I'm not attracted to either gender. I hate sex and have never been attracted to anyone else before. Just this one person. This is the only person I've ever wanted to be with not because of their gender, but because I sincerely love them…
My only goal in life is to make him happy, but he seems happier away from me than with me. That alone hurts so much… but this otherwise generous person takes and takes and nevereven asks how I'm doing. Doesn't say thank you or anything. He said I hurt him without realizing and even though I try to make it up to him every single day, it doesn't seem to matter.
Every time I try to get over this mess, he announces his return because he misses the people I spend time with. And the cycle repeats. I don't want him to go away; only to see that I care. But years of ignorance and abandonment have made me sad and bitter. All the lies he's told; all the stupid, self-defacating things I've done jsut to makehim happy… where does it end?
I walked away and he told me he's coming back; but not for me. I know that butthese feelings have me acting a fool once again.