This morning I have nothing bad to report.

I went to bed last night at a decient hour. I'd say around 9PM or so. What's funny is that even though I went to bed at a normal hour, I woke up at an inhumanly early hour.

So just a little while ago it was 3AM and I was laying in bed, listening to the TV I left on. It was still dark out and I had to wonder just what the hell time it was. 

I look at the clock and it's 3AM? Strange! Normally I sleep around 10-12 hours. But I feel refreshed so it's enough for me. 

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Well, my mother and I just had it out.

Here's what happened…

Normally I have a class on Tuesdays. I knew I wouldn't be awake at the right time to get to class so I asked my mother to wake me up so I could get to class. She gives me a ride there anyways and she's woken me up every other time I've asked so I didn't see the problem.

She didn't wake me up though. I faintly remember her coming into my room once and saying something to me and leaving. When I woke up naturally that night at around 11pm, I thought she'd been nice by letting me sleep.

After all, my class was at 1pm.

Now 8am has rolled around and she came into my room to tell me that she'd not woken me up not because she thought I needed the sleep but because I'm 'supposed to be an adult' and need to learn to take care of myself.

I remind you now that I explicitly asked her to wake me up for class. And she said she'd do it.

And so she didn't wake me up. I was very angry. I've been missing a lot of class lately and I didn't want to miss more. So I got upset and began to remind her that I asked her to wake me up and she agreed to do so.

She fed me the same line about —

She just now, while I was writing, came into my room and began to rant at me about some papers I gave her about Asperger's Syndrome (something I'm trying to educate her about because I feel I share some of the symptoms). Appearently she thought it was the sleep disorder I keep telling her about… which proves to me that she didn't even try to read what I gave her. 

…anyways… she fed me the same line about being an adult and needing to take care of myself.

This is the same woman that yelled at me for being shy and not making eye contact with people when I'd been raised to think that eye contact was rude. This is also the same woman that denies I have a sleep disorder, even when I'm never up at normal times for more than a few days at a time. 

I've completely lost my motivation to write now that she's come in here to yell at me. I suppose I'll wrap up this post by saying that I pointed out my mother's hypocritical attitude about helping me (some days she wants to help me, some days she's completely absent from my life) and she began to rub in my face the fact that I can't get a job.

There was a lot more said than that but my head hurts and I don't feel like writing anymore. 

And so… that's what's just happened to me. I'm not even sure if it's over yet. My mother hasn't left for work yet, she might come back to yell at me more.

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I’m still in a tired haze right now. I kind of wish I could go back to bed but I know I’ve gotten enough sleep today. In fact, I’m probably tired because I got too much sleep… that happens sometimes, it’s a bit frustrating.

Normally I require 12 hours of sleep to function normally the next day. After that I’m usually awake for 14-18 hours but sometimes it’s drastically more or less, depending on what I do or how I feel.

That doesn’t add up to 24 hours, does it? Nope, it doesn’t.

When I tell people that I function on a non-24-hour day, they try to prove I’m lazy or simply lying. They don’t understand when I say that my body works differently from theirs.

Alarm clocks? I’m too exhausted after they wake me to function.

Going to bed early? I’ll lay there for hours and hours until I’m tired, even if I’m in a dark and quiet room. Coupled with my PTSD, that causes flashbacks and severe depression.

Sleeping pills? If I’m absolutely desperate. I don’t feel like wasting my money on them though.

I just function differently, people can’t understand that. My mother especially. We’ve gotten into so many arguments about my abnormal sleep cycle that it makes my head spin.

Adults are usually pretty closed-minded I find. When I tell my mother I have a sleeping disorder she says, “You didn’t have a sleeping disorder as a child!” To which I usually say that things like sleeping disorders don’t usually appear until later in life.

I’ve actually had an abnormal sleep cycle since I was 13 or 14. That’s an estimation though. How my mother could miss my being awake at night or waking at strange hours of the day is beyond me.

Maybe people are just willingly blind.

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