i learned today that the girl i dreamnt have alot in common. i don't what that means ,oh well,i still haven't figure if iam gay or not. still trying to figure that out. oh yeah i think yaoi is great. if you don't know what that means,it's boyxboy realtionship. everybody at my school hates it. 
I could honestly kill her tonight.
I heard her taking on the phone with someone, as she always does when dad isn’t home. I was in the living room watching tv, and she was in her bedroom. I got up, went to the kitchen to make popcorn, and when I came back their topic of discussion had changed. She was making loud sexual sounds and talking to them at the same time. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I started gagging. I’m so angry I can barely see straight. I’m shaking and crying with rage. I figured she was flirting with her online friends, sure, but god. I never thought she was capable of this. I don’t know what to do. I want to kill myself. I want to run away. I want to tell dad. Holy shit, how am I going to look them in the face ever again? I can’t believe this happened. I can’t tell dad.
I just heard mom walking around the house so I got up and locked my door.
Dad should be home any minute from work. He works his head off for this family. He always has. I look up to him and I love him so much. I can’t believe this is happening beneath his nose. What would he do if he found out?
She’s washing dishes. I want to break something. I could kill her. She’s a miserable piece of shit, and I hate her for doing this. Maybe I’ll play Opus 17 and eat a bottle of extra strength tylenol.
Well, I talked to my friend about the harassment issue a few weeks back, so I'm telling you how it's going now. He said that he didn't realize it was making me so uncomfortable and that he thought I was okay with it. Well, obviously not right? So, he said he was sorry and that he would tone it down a bit. It's not that bad anymore, he doesn't say anything bad anymore and he doesn't do inappropriate actions, so I guess it's much better, but he still follows me around. But now I've got another problem, another boy whose not exactly my friend, but I talk to him out of pity because he's new and has no friends, has been all over me lately. He was so bad around me, that my homeroom teacher told him to "Give her space to breathe!" during class a few days ago. She also told me that it's okay to tell him to get away from me, but I think i'm too scared because the reason he moved was because he flipped out on some kids at his old school and threatened them with a knife! So, I know that it is totally possible he might do that again. So, now I have him to worry about. I don't know why it is that all these boys seem to find me irresistible, but it is getting really old. All I ever do is push boys away, yet they all insist on liking me. I don't get it!! I just wanna know why they won't leave me alone! So, now I've got boy issues, but I'll get through it. Thanks for listenin'.
FyreSakura
it was a casual meeting..nothing special…hadnt seen these friends in a while….im ok, been ok for a while. you dont mind if we light up a bit? go ahead, ive beaten that…ill just chill. the vapors(smell) was like an old friend i hadn’t seen in a while. the old friend says, ive missed you, im not as bad as you had thought…you let me go, you can do it again…you are in control. soon i was an hour late for work, then 4, then i returned home the next day…no money, no work…..crushed. at this point i realised extremely drastic measures must be taken….i turned myself in. i actually stood there and confessed to supervisor”im an addict”… it is either death and devastation or absolutley knowing i am not hidden and my demons are not stalking me alone. i gave numbers and instructions to everyone near me. “help me”…if you suspect i am not me…call someone…family, boss, etc. shit, it cannot be done alone and us addicts cannot be trusted alone.
yesterday i found out that i have Autism. and i have it big, i what to know as much about Autism as possible. i am so scared.please help me out.
I’ve stopped taking those stupid pills. I’ve been off them for about two weeks. I can think again. They did help when the crisis was there though.
I’m finally over my ex. I wish him well and feel sorry for the next girl who falls for him. When we first got together, the fact that he had been divorced four times should have been a clue. *laughs at self* Hopefully, other women are smarter than I was.
My goal now is to be able to remove all my issues from my list. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have no issues? I wonder if there’s anyone like that? To think that life is good all the time. Never worrying, never being sad, just floating along and conquering everything that comes along without drama and pain. Hey, a girl can dream, right?
Hi all. I'm new to hopecube.I decided to join this in hope to share w/others of what I've been through.It's good to know you're not alone.
I was molested as a child,by a family friend.He would touch my privates and get me to perform oral sex on him.I was about 5 yrs old.He would tell me that his penis was a lollipop.This man still visits my grandma's house and sits to have coffee and conversation with her.When he sees me he says Hi and I can't help but think does he even know that he screwed up my life?Does he know that I rem all the disgusting things he did while I was a young child?
I had told my mom and she had confronted him.My grandmother told her that if she believed me cause young kids really don't tell the truth.Nothing more was ever done.
I grew up a single child and my mom a single mother.WHen I was about 8 years old I remember going to a family members house where my cousin and I would be in the room watching tv and me trying to see what these adults were doing on my way to the bathroom I could see them snorting a white powder.I remember being there all night.
I remember my mom falling behind the TV and I thought she was dead.Turns out she was just drunk.I remember smelling her cup and it reeked of alcohol.I would pour it down the sink and replace it with water.I didn't know what alcohol was at the time,but I just knew it made her act different.
As I got older about 12 my mom lost her job and we moved in w/my grandparents.My grandfather was an alcoholic.He would get drunk and fight with anyone around.Soon my mom took another turn and her and my uncles started smoking crack cocaine.I confirmed this when I went looking for her at a neighbors house and found her in the bathroom with the pipe in her mouth and the lighter at the other end. I watched her take in that breath and her eyes rolled to the back of her head.
When I was 16 years old I dropped out of school took my GED where I passed and got a job.I've never used any hard core drugs, just marijuana which I stopped doing.Now the problem is I find myself drinkig every other day.I just don't want my life to pass me by.I know that I can do better. I want to,but I feel that it's already become a habit.
I later heard rumors that she was prostituting herself for money to buy drugs.
I was feeling really crappy and suicidal today, I swear I wanted to trow myself down a flight of stairs but I decided I didn't want to end in a "splat" or end up managing to survive it and hate myself forever. My sister didn't help at all, ever since 10:40 I've wanted to give her a huge ass knuckle sandwich. My left wrist has been hurting for the past month or so, I haven't been able to do much cause of the pain and thats also bringing me down a lot, I threw myself a few times to a wall, made me feel a tad better, also some light cuts in my arms, but this week has been a real bitch leaving me with few resorts.
I've seen a counciler and a therapist since my last doctor's visit two weeks ago. The councilor did exactly as I expected and gave me a prolonged pep-talk. She gave me a list of techniques to use when I started to feel bad. They were all obvious, and I felt like I was being treated like a self-pitying child. It consisted things like 'Thought Stopping', 'Positive Self-Talk', 'Watching something funny', and "Being with Others". I have been dealing with my self-diagnosed depression for years, and I was offended by the fact that these people thought that I wasn't already doing everything in my power to be happy. I can do all those things without pricey medical assessments. So I was subjected to this butch social worker's memorized schpeal about self-help and quotations like, "Powerful or pitiful……it's your choice." which were all followed by a sincere stare, a pause, and the statement "Think about that." But when I went home my friend Melissa was waiting there for me to give me a hug and laugh about the absurdity of my predicament.
My appointment with a therapist was yesterday morning. It was short, and to the point. She used the exact same mechanisms as the councilor before her, but she leaned more toward the 'This is normal for a hormonal high schooler your age' discussion. She seemed most worried about my sleep cycle /nightmares. She wrote on her notepad that I needed medication, but she didn't say anything about it to me. I have a doctor's appointment with a real doctor at that same facility in a couple weeks. I think it's with a man, so that should be interesting.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow after school with my original doctor. I missed school yesterday to see my therapist ( I wasn't keen on the idea of checking in late) and I missed again today because it had snowed heavily in my neighborhood and the roads were icy. There was even a small accident in front of my house. Too bad my county never closes schools on account of the weather. So my absences makes the dread of the school day significantly more severe. That pressure along with the fear of another appointment is affecting my snow day in a very negative way.
Im drownin in my own skin nothing can change me I am who I am, there is nothing here for me and yet I cant let go!!!! All of you who fucking think you know me …well you dont Im probably the most fucked up person youll ever meet…Ive got more problems then anyone should be allowed to have I cut myself to stop the pain and yet It always comes back again…I scream and cry because they say it helps to "let it out" well Ive been letting it out and whoever said it helps was wrong it doesnt help it never does and I think thats the biggest crock of shit!!!! You know why Im a mother at 22 cuz I was to stubborn to give up something I believed I needed to take responsability for and now where am I….The fucking getto struggling to pay my bills… so much for the right thing to do Im tired of the right thing to do or the right thing to say THERE IS NO RIGHT THING GET USED TO IT!!!!! You live you survive and then you die thats life.
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