After many years of neglecting my teethes, I ended up in a situation where I could hardly chew my food. It also caused damaged to my digestion system, All of this because of my stupid dentist fears since I was a girl.  When I realized I can't hold it any longer I went to see couple of dentists here in NW London. I got the estimates, both of them above 20,000 pounds. A friend of mine told me about dental care outside the UK. At first I doubted it but going online (www.globalmedicalbook.com) I got few price offers that were about 30-40 percent of what they asked me here. In a couple of weeks, I've arranged it all including flights and hotel. Accompanied by my friend we went to Turkey for two weeks of treatment. The dental care was very professional and I even managed to overcome my dentist fear. After that, I ended up having a shiny new mouth, did some site seeing and all that at less than half of what I needed to pay in London. 

Quite recommended

Clair

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Very long time it seems like (my mom never got the surgery for those who read my previous blogs). I got a lot of mental support from this place and I hope I was able to help some people as well.

I'm in the second semester of my fifth year of homeschooling. Freshman of the high school program. It's all too much for me really. My mother holds me on a leash now with my swimming on the local high school team when it comes to her control in my school work since she is not really a teacher to me anymore. It's so so agonizing. I've said it many times many years before, but I know, this is the last year. I cannot stand this social isolation any longer.

My education in risk if I go to the public school is no longer a major factor in the sense it will not matter if I continue this emotionally unstable. No one knows but me. My true friends have become very distant and one has hurt me very much. While it woke me up to how oblivious I was to how he didn't love me the same way, it was a very rude awakening. My parents have threatened that if I am to not get A's and B's in the final semester courses, that I will not have swimming, whichever school I go to. Including other sports. That will, eventually kill me. 

Swimming is not enough anymore however.  It'd have to be five hours a day to truly feed my mental hunger for distraction and masochism these days. Cutting has not happened though surprisingly. It's not hard to restrain myself because of my experience of knowing it will not help. That's the thing though. Nothing helps. At least when I was cutting, I knew the short term effects were the cure. Now, I have nothing. My art only reminds me of how dark I feel and alone.

If anyone's out there reading this, could you just tell me how can I get by this final semester without driving myself to my end?

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Wow, I know it has been 2 years since I last posted and so much has happened. Thankfully some things about me have gotten better, but the only bad thing is when it does come across me, it comes even worse than usual. >.< I recently got kicked out of my house by my mom who is accusing me of anything possible, and I am living with my new boyfriend. It is really hard since now I only have contact with my older sister, all my dad ever does when he does talk to me is to ask if I am on birth control and then says I am making all the wrong decisions in my life and I am not going to go anywhere. I really miss my 6 year old brother whom I left behind when I moved out, and I'm struggling to stay happy and not self injure myself sometimes. It has been at least a year, maybe more since I last did anything to myself, but I am getting really depressed and already the thought has crossed my mind a couple times to the point where I had to call up a good friend of mine just so I wouldn't do it. Its just been a little hard lately, but hopefully soon things will start looking up. That is about it for now, hope to hear from some of you soon and hear how everything is going with everyone else. Later everyone! ^^

 Shemrye

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Well, it is now February and i'm updating again. Things, unfortunately, are starting to slip downhill a bit. I have cut again, 15 times, on my arms not my wrist, and have began hitting again. Recently my mom basically just cut me off and stopped my entire life. Because i did not place in the top six of an audition for violin, my mom is pulling me out of everything i do in violin (including my trip to europe with an out of school group) except for school, she is cutting my college money unless i am the top 4 in the class, and she is cutting off money for anything field hockey related. basically, she cut my whole life out, but so far, she hasn't really acted on anything. she says that i am lazy and quit as soon as anything takes effort… which is true, but now she just took it to the extreme… i got really depressed a couple nights ago just thinking about all the stuff i would be losing and that's when i cut and started hitting, but i am recovering slowly yet again. i am still hitting even now and i cut about 5 times each night. I promise to stop when things get a little better, but for now it is too much. I still have a high self esteem tho, so hopefully it will stay that way and i can say that that is officially fixed. Although, my slight change in attitude (depression that is) has actually gotten teachers and friends to ask me if everything is okay…i'm just hoping it is. Well, i'll update next month or so…

FyreSakura

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Note to site designers: Install an 'are you sure you want to leave this page?' warning window.

This is my second time typing this post out. I made a stupid mistake and accidentally went to another page with the page on which I was typing. As an experienced blogger, you'd think I would know better.

Oh well.

Anyway, this post could possibly go under Asperger's but I think Domestic Violence is more appropriate.

Since I lost my previous long, nice post, I'll put most of this in a nutshell. I'm filing for disability, or whatever they call it nowadays. My mother took over filing my paperwork and has been reluctant to let me do any of it. I found the paperwork she was going to turn in and it was filled with offensively conspicuous lies. I asked her about it civilly and she became defensive and tried repeatedly lying her way out of it.

On top of blatantly dishonest behavior, I found undeniable proof she was going to send it in after getting me to sign the paperwork without reading it (read: little post-it arrows telling my lawyer and I where to sign at our appointment tomorrow - why would you put that on paperwork you weren't going to do anything with?). Therefore, not trusting her, I kept my file to myself and took it to my room.

In what I believe to be an effort to have her ego come out on top, she began to nag me about the way I was washing the dishes. Mind you, I rarely do the dishes anyway because I'm very bad at them (and they're boring as hell, among other things). While she did have a point, that I was wasting water, no matter what I said, she kept telling me, in fewer words than she used, that I have no rights because I have no money.  That's her back-up argument for nearly everything.

Offensive, but not particularly hurtful (I think) since our family therapist told her that's very abusive behavior.

Like I often do (and need to work on), I finally gave in to my ego and said something. I'd gone almost an hour since the conversation about my paperwork started so I think I'd done amazingly well. I finally said, in more and kinder-sounding words: "I'll give you a quarter; it'll cover the time the water was on. Now stop talking about it."

I think she was stunned or was thinking of something to say, because I got to walk off without bait being thrown at my back. When I was in my room, I could hear her complaining that a quarter was not enough… or thereabout.

Whatever. I'd like to call her a whole string of uncivil names but I'm trying to do that only around friends.

The plus side of all this is that I'm gradually becoming desensitized and learning to spot her lies. I hope. I really, really hope. Because I think she lies to me a lot.

All right, I need to give in and call her something nasty. I'll help me feel better.

Fucking bitch.

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