It hurts, it rips it burns. I don't want to go on. not without happiness

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Well, I recently saw a family therapist with my mother. It lasted for… hm, three months? Thereabouts? Whatever. The therapist had a son with Aspergers Syndrome, so I was led to believe that she'd be a nice, middle ground to go to and help my mother understand that she can't expect me to kiss ass like other people do or lie my ass off when other people would.

That's not how it went.

After the second session, the therapist was treating me like a child and showing me very little respect. Essentially, she said that everything I see and think is perceived wrongly. Naturally, I was angry, anyone would be. She would not process anything I said, merely nodded a little and acted shocked now and then, often over the most mundane of things.

Anyway, this behavior was the beginning of a pattern. In the weeks that followed, the therapist and my mother used these weekly sessions as an excuse to sit me down and tell me all these things that are 'wrong' with me. On top of that, they told me how I was going to change with no thought for compromise or even considering how I feel.

The session that really did it for me was the one (of many) where my mother was trying to tell me what I was going to do around the house. She has this tendency to assign things without a care for if I'm actually capable of the chore (i.e.: vacuuming or mowing the lawn, both I'm incapable of because of my PTSD). I digress.

She was 'assigning' me chores in front of the therapist — and receiving her total support, I note. I continued to tell her over and over that she can't just 'assign' me things, that we have to actually discuss it like two adults. She refuses and then goes off into a conversation with the therapist about how she cares so deeply about what the house looks like.

Now, the ironic and sad thing here is that the chores she tells me to do are the most important things to making a house look good. An important thing to know is that my idea of clean is not the same as hers. She's the type of person who will clean something that doesn't need to be cleaned or will have a nervous breakdown if there's a leaf on the floor or a shoe out of place.

…and she expects me to keep the house up to her standards.

If she cares so bloody much, why the fuck does she tell ME to clean all these things!?

On a mildly different note, she bitches that I never cook… which is a lie. When I cook, nobody EVER touches it. And yes, before you wonder, I can cook just fine. I've had professional training.

And I'm ranting again. Whatever.

So I get fed up with not being allowed any kind of input for the 8th week in a row and tell them I'm not coming back. Naturally I'm emotionally assaulted and made to look like the bad guy.

I haven't talked much to my mom since then.

I was and still am shocked at how unprofessional and biased the therapist was. I finally quit going after being told I was wrong for the Nth time. I wish I could remember her name so I could warn people about her but I didn't even make an effort to remember her first name.

Shows how important she was destined to be.

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It's been awhile since I've been on here.  Tomorrow is the first day of my eight-week smoking cessation program.  I'm using the patches.  I'm excited, but nervous too.  This time is for real.  Knowing that is what makes me nervous.  I've smoked for so long and now I'll have to find other things to do when I would have been smoking.  I know that sounds silly, but there's a lot of time that one spends on that activity.

 I'm ready, and it's time.  I've been thinking about it for awhile.  I've been wanting to for awhile.  It's taken me this long to work up the courage.  It's been a means of coping with stress.  (I should get some crossword puzzles, that's something I enjoy that will fill the time)

I hope I don't gain too much weight while I'm doing this.  I've heard that happens.  I stocked up on chewing gum to keep from eating as much.  I did also get some crunchy, salty snacks because crunching is something that works as a substitute.  I'm trying to keep it to pretzel sticks mostly since they're lower in fat.

I've been single now for a year and a half.  I'm actually starting to like it.  I've been really thinking about what I want.  I've also been contemplating picking up on dreams that I had forsaken for "love".  That's a thought for after my current project, which is becoming smoke-free.

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My ex tried to kill himself & now he's in a coma. Something about electrical appliances in a bathtub, I haven't been able to see him. I don't think I'll ever know why he did it, there not expecting him to wake up. I don't know what I'll do with out him

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Regards
Andrew

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Hi All,

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Regards
Andrew

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Hi All,

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Regards
Andrew

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Hi All,

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Regards
Andrew

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Hi All,

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Regards
Andrew

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