Mens Health

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i have gotten so much better over time i mean i am happy. like a new person. to all of the people that have ether prayed for me or left comments for me giving me hope and care. i have to say that it has helped me out, i don't know if i every said this here or not, but when i was going though hell i never ever wanted a girlfriend.but my prospective on life has change a lot and now looking for someone that i care hug and love for the rest of my good looking life.

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Just an update on my story I guess…

It's been a long while since summer. I can't believe how sad and lost I really was looking over my old blogs. It was really the worst my depression had ever been. Well, it's all (let's hope) gone now. For real. It's just…gone away. This past summer was the biggest therapy that actually worked. I just can't believe it. 

Sure, I get stressed still & a little depressed but not for no reason. I feel so free and happy now. 

Ahah, as much as I still would love a social life outside of swim team, but as I mature every day, I realized that homeschooling was better for me educationally. I'm planning on getting more involved with the high school community through my online school and the actual public school here (wish me luck…).

These days, I'm looking positively to the future. It's odd really. I never believed I would make it past 14 years old four years ago…I really thought I would kill myself. I never thought I would be happy. It still surprises me how much I truly lied to myself over this past year with my self-injury. I would hurt myself in many ways, but say that I was over it when in reality I still needed so much help.

While I am very content with my life, I still, STILL, have urges to hurt myself. It's very unsettling as one could imagine. It's so hard to realize that this addiction is still there no matter how much time passes.

I work past it best as possible with my maturity & my athletic exertion. I've also found many friends in my life I never knew were there. My piano teacher, my counselor, my grandparents, my coach. Yeah, they're adults and can't really relate to me well, but it's really…good to talk to someone like them for some reason. It calms me down.

Then there are the friends (what few I have) that are my age. I don't know where I'd be without them. While they're changing as well & falling away from me slowly in the process, I'm determined to maintain our friendships and possibly find new people to talk to. Something that's been fairly easy to accomplish through the new online homeschooling community for high school. I don't want to replace my friends, but I do want to broaden my circle.

 I've started my own anime club for my school, gotten more involved with piano, raising my grades (except for math), getting into photography and once swimming starts I will be whole. I REALLY want some real life friends when I look at my friends I met over the internet who go to schools….I just feel like something's missing from me. I love not dealing with drama, but there's a down side to that as well.

So yeah. Long story short, I am now a very happy and content person. I proved it's possible to defeat depression. Thank you to all the wonderful people here on hopecube; you were definitely a crutch in my time of need. I'm going to try and return that help to you. Thank you.

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I've had problems in handling responsibilities at the same time and its been a major reason in my consecutive failures. I remember back in school where I was caught between choosing football practice over my finals in essay writing class. I chose the former and spent another extra year in senior high.There was also this thing with my folks. I was caught up in my first job as a temp that I was not able to make it in their 40th anniversary. I won't even begin in my current job where deadlines are given from left to right. What I'm trying to say is that t bothers me that so many people are capable of juggling work while I find it very difficult to do two things at the same time. Like now, I think I overheated the pasta in the microwave! The room smells of burnt pesto! 

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