today i tried to kill myself with siccisors but then my mom opened the door and i hid the siccisors. i may try again on tommorow if that doesn't work i will just get a knife and try with that. i think if i die everybody will be better of. ther is alot reasons (1) i don't have that many friends (2) that many people don't even know me, so what will they miss? (3) my parents will be sad that they lost their only girl, but they will get over it.
i yesterday at school by mistake i cut my finger with siccorss but it didn’t bleed at all it just got red.
theirs this boy i like at school. but he got a girlfriend. i have liked him since middle school. i feel like my heart is breaking everytime i see them together. i want to try and get over him, but i just can't. i don't know what to do?
my dad finally got a job. he works from 8:30 a.m. to 9:00p.m.7 days a week. finally my dad can't go out with his friends and get drunk. i feel better that finally maybe my mom and dad will stop fighting.
i keep blanking out. just a week ago i was walking to one of my classes in school.i was thinking about something and all of a sudden i was in my class taking a test. i don't remember entering the class. AT ALL! i told my mom when i got home why i was blanking out and she said she doesn't know. i saw my vcr/dvd player on the living room floor and asked my mom wahy was it there. my dad said my brother told me if they could brow it. my brother said he told me if my mom and dad could brow it and i said yes. but i don't remember that at all. my brother he went into my room and i was watching t.v. and i said yes. but why don't i remember that AT ALL! i keep blanking out. i don't why? does somebody know why people blank out?
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today my 'cousin' came. that one that almost raped me. i'm so scared of him. yesterday i told my mom to tell me what happened the day they kicked him out. my mom said that my cousin said i was liar when she told him that he was touching me. i never want to see him, but that can't happen. my parents act like nothing happened to me. why do they act like that. don't they know that i'm scared of him. an i keep getting bad vibes from him. i can feel him watching me. i'm scared what will happen if i can't get away from him.
i keep seeing my cousin. since my parents still talk to him .i never did tell them about what happened. i scared that he will do it again. so, i try to avoide him at all times. i feel like he's watching me.
on january 30, 2010 my parents fought again. it all started when my dad went out to pock up my grandma and never came back. my mom, brothers and i went to look for him and we found him drunk with his friends. my mom left that place and took us somewhere else. i was scared that my family will be broken apart. we came back home at 3 am. my dad and his friends were asleep in the car. when we were driving back home my mom said it was my fault that they fought.
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