Hope Cube Blog

i did not make it to nyc

whyme — Fri, 16 May 2008 20:52:06 +0000

i got there and did some work, and a few days later while on the job i blacked out so they sent me home.

why do i have to have this damn problem.

but hey some good news for u guys, doctors and other people are getting together to help me, so i can live on my own with out fer of death and that type of stuff.. my life is looking good now.

eUseless

Veightwo — Fri, 16 May 2008 04:30:30 +0000

so I heard about this crap website on TV, the get to meet your perfect match one, and they were having a “contact your matches for free” weekend soon or something, so i went and filled in the basic “free” profile. I Tried to be as broad as i could be but still stick to my personal preferences, and here’s my final result! :

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. You can still receive your free Personality Profile by clicking here.

Apparently i am:

Adaptable, passionate, romantic, receptive, aware, flexible, engaged, distinctive, indecisive, middle-of-the-road, instinctive, impulsive, intuitive, rule-breaker, sometimes inefficient, procrastinator, reflective, thoughtful, modest, introverted, private, meditative, careful, fair, contemplative and romantic (again)…

A NO ONE ELSE ON EARTH IS.

.. lame.

Family?

poo_smurffy — Thu, 15 May 2008 18:16:21 +0000

If you have depression, have you ever felt your family is the least understanding people?

I didn't include my family in my condition until I was hospitalized after a few attempt of suicides. At beginning they were really supportive, but now if I called up my mother to talk when I am not in a very good mood, she would tell me that I am so selfish that people have to talk to me when I am not feeling good.

And now if I leave some messages on my MSN, which might indicate I am not in a good mood, my mother will call me up and say "What's wrong with you?"

I am so tired of always being the one thinking that they mean well just didn't pick the proper words instead of being angry. Although I cry all the time after speaking to my mother.

We all know that you will never loose your family. But it doesn't give them the right not to be sensitive. I am really fad up.

career choice

FyreSakura — Wed, 14 May 2008 21:17:00 +0000

so, this year my excel teacher is forcing us to look into a career we want to go into, and i was looking around and i found i'm getting really interested in psychology. i think i'm attracted to it because of my issues and others. i kinda wanna know why i act the way i do and why others do too. do you think going into this field may help me to get through my self injury, or do you think it is a bad idea?

thanks,

FyreSakura

i feel so horrible

theholytriforce — Wed, 14 May 2008 12:48:32 +0000

I dont know why i feel so depressed but i just want to kill myself right now. i feel so sad i dont know why i but it would cure every thing. i just want to die. i tell other people not to that things get better i should take that advice maybe things will get better. I care about this girl so much i am so happy when i am with her but when iam not with her its like every thing that can go wrong will and i miss her so much. i wish i knew why i felt like that

Stuff -n- Things.

Ophelia — Tue, 13 May 2008 10:44:27 +0000

I went to the first meditation class last night. There's another tonight and again tomorrow night. Last night, I didn't really learn anything that I didn't already know, and there were a couple of ideas that didn't ring true for me. But hopefully tonight will be better. I can always take what I agree with and discard the rest.

The biggest thing for me right now is to build my own life so that I don't need anybody. I'd still like to have someone in my life someday, but not at the cost of my dignity. I may end up alone forever, and maybe that's how it was meant to be. I hope not, but I have to accept that as a possibility. I really don't want to, but I don't want to get hurt again either. The last shot I took in the heart nearly killed me. Literally. I can't go through that again. I won't survive another blow like that.

Tired

chewable_garnet — Mon, 12 May 2008 22:05:51 +0000

Me and my family went to the DC area so my mom could have an appointment about her knee surgery and it turns out that it won't be as complicated as everyone thought it would be. She is even considering having it done this summer. I feel happy for her that she has a higher chance at getting out of this pain, but I'm also so scared. Is that selfish?

As if that hasn't been enough on my mind in the last 24 hours, I've been having more …bad thoughts. I just want to bed dead. I don't know why. I'm tired of breathing, I'm tired of making dumb mistakes, I'm tired of the relentless let downs life pounds upon me, I'm tired of being so stressed, I'm just tired of living the life I'm living. I'm constantly hurting whether it's my chest or my headaches and I'm just tired of it. My family's always complaining that I'm so gloomy a lot of the time and the excuse is always, "I'm just tired" when I'm really just wishing I weren't existing. I hate it. I have so much going for me I know, but every time I turn a corner alone, I want to scream and even when I'm sitting next to my siblings and parents, and I've got tears going down my face, they're glancing at me, and not saying a word or just blabbing about whatever's in front of them.

I'm so sick of their complacency and my on selfishness right now. I've been wanting just to not wake up or get hit by a car because I don't have the guts to try and kill myself again. I don't want to be the one to cause the pain. I feel like I'm going in circles with these emotions and I want to stop.

The end of my “love” life

glxmermaidcr — Mon, 12 May 2008 10:45:37 +0000

Everything seems like it was going fine, till i realize i was with him because he needed my help. Hes got issues too and i understand but i got enough problems to deal with his, i mean, i dont want to sound like a total bitch, but iam going through alot right now, i hardly have any time for him anymore. I didnt wanted to hurt his feelings, but when i saw him cry…i didnt know what to do, i panic and ran away. Iam too nervous with this kinds of things. In the end i realize i just need to be alone for a few days to think of what happend in my life. I dont want to hurt anybody anymore.

I must die

pleasekillme — Mon, 12 May 2008 08:53:08 +0000

I will kill my self now so that i do not see anyone suffer anymore i cant belive all these problems. i hate seeing people go through all this so i leve my final message a farewell to all of you and i hope you all get better. I plan on killing my self when i get out of work i shall pull this trigger on life so that i no longer see any more chaos in our world.

god bless

Mom Problems

holland906 — Mon, 12 May 2008 00:06:41 +0000

My mother drives me totally crazy. First of all, she does not recognize mental illness as a disease. She always says I would be better if i got off the pills. She just doesn't understand that I need these medications to live. If I didn't have them I know I would be dead right now. I just got out of the hospital for the ninth time being treated for severe depression with suicidal ideation. Our mental health center here is closing so we have to find another psychiatrist. I have chosen to go to the psychiatrist that treats me when I am hospitalized but he is two hours away from home. Because I have narcolepsy, I have to have a driver. The date of my appointment is a day that my husband has to work 3-11 so I will need someone else to drive me. I asked my mom if she thought my sister could help me out and she said she didn't know. But, she also said, "I hope they can help you this time!" It wasn't so bad she said it, it was the way she said it. All the times I was in the hospital she never called once to see how I was doing. I feel like I could disappear and no one would even notice except my husband and my daughter. I just had to vent I get so upset.