Hope Cube Blog

Wow… It has been a while

FyreSakura — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:19:21 +0000

So hello everyone! Happy new year? It's really been a long time since i was last on. I hope that everyone is doing great and that everything is going well. I am still cut free!!!! woot! although, i admit I have very vivid dreams (day and night), fantasies?, and urges to keep cutting, but i fight through them everyday. One down thing that happened recently was that I was talking to a friend of mine and she says, "I hate people who cut! It is a stupid thing to do and anyone who cuts deserves to die!" Obviously, she doesn't know i used to cut, but i just stand there like, "wow, if only you really knew who you were talking to…" well, anyway, it just makes me wonder what she would say if i told her i struggled with cutting? Anyway, i hope everyone is doin okay !

FyreSakura

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milk

hatelife — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 03:53:33 +0000

today i bought a lactose milk and drank a cup full and my stomach didn't start to hurt at all. yay! now i can eat cereal again.

told to die

hatelife — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 03:52:10 +0000

today my family said they wouldn't care if i died. i got really depressed after they said that. i was going to kill myself today, but i didn't. this isn't the first time they told me.

killing myself everyday

hatelife — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 00:36:22 +0000

i think about killing myself every single day. there has never been a day when i didn't want to die. i first thought of killing myself at 9 years old, but i didn't. at 12 i tried to kill myself with a hammer but dad found out and hit me alot of times with a wire and it hurted alot. now at 15 almost 16 since my birthday is this month i haven't stopped thinking of killing myself. i always say everybody would be better of without me. i try to stop thinking of killing myself, but i can't. even right now i'm thinking of killing myself and it would be so easy to do it right now while everybody is asleep. but i don't i also think that one of these days i will be proud of my life but right now i'm not. i think if i'm not happy when i turn 20 i will really kill myself. but right now i'm holding out until then. or am i?

the list

hatelife — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 00:49:12 +0000

today at school i made a list of what i can't eat and symptons that come with the food after being eaten. when i got home i showed my mom the list and she laughed. what was so funny? i told my mom that the list wasn't funny and it was a list of food i can't eat unless i want to feel sick. but she kept on laughing. i was so angry at her when she wouldn't stop laughing so i threw the list in the trash. i'm still angry but less angry now. why did she laugh? did she think it was funny? this is how the list looked like:

1) milk: stomach hurts and feel really sick

2) banna with milk in blender: stomach hurts badly and feel really sick

3) pizza: burns throat

4)choclate: burns throat badly

5)any soda at sll: burns thraot and makes me feel sick

6)eggs: stomach hurts badly and feel really sick

that was all that was on the list and my mom laughed at it when she saw it. please, if anybody can tell me what's so funny about this list.

lactose and tolerent part 2

hatelife — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 00:50:39 +0000

i feel even worse now. i can feel the milk in my stomach and it is making me feel sick. how long is this going to last?

GERD

hatelife — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 00:49:12 +0000

i think i may just have GERD because i just read the symptons and i feel a buring when eating: choclate even a small bite, when i drink soda, spicy foods i think there is more but i'm not sure. do i have GERD? i don't know i think i may have to see a doctor.

lactose and tolerent

hatelife — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 00:45:26 +0000

i think i just maybe lactose and tolerent? i'm not sure? i just drank a glass of milk 22 minutes ago and my stomach hurts and i feel like i'm going to pass gas. i don't really know if it is that? i'm going to tell my parents to take me to a doctor and so i can get checked out. i just don't feel good now after drinking milk.